So how do we do this?

Take a pen and paper and firstly write down every worry you have at present time.

Secondly write down everything you should have done but have not got around to.

Thirdly write down all that you owe and to whom. It doses not matter if same thing appears in more then one list.

Now look at lists.

Firstly you have to see if anything appears in more then one list. If it does, this is most possibly one of your main concerns, this is right at top of your everyday re-occurring thoughts. This is most likely thing or things you think about most. Everything else will be of less importance to you because of your “main concern”.

Now chances are your “main concern” is thing that is stopping you from moving forward. You are bogged down by this “main concern”. Now you make another list, give it a heading “CONCERNS”. Start at number one and list everything you have on your lists in order of concern. Number one will of course be your “main concern”.

You now need to make another list, give this a heading of “I WANT”. Write down everything you want. This does not have to be only material things. Because of way our minds work first item on your list will be thing you want most and will progressively become less important further down list you go.

OK. What you have just done is to take all your thoughts of both “concerns” and “wants” and have written them down. You have taken all rubbish in your mind, sorted through it and placed it into containers. In front of you, you have a list in order of priority and importance, your “concerns” as well as your “wants".

You are looking at everything that at this present time is worrying you. You have also given thought to what you really want out of life.

Do not destroy these lists. They are going to form your course of action. When you get rid of a concern, cross it off list. When you get a want, cross it off a list. Some of items you have on either list could take a long time to cross off. But believe me, one day you will cross them off. If your mind is uncluttered with everyday rubbish you can work towards your goal of “wants” and remove your “concerns”. It’s up to you how quickly you achieve this. You have to believe in what you are doing, you have to organise your mind. An organised mind knows what it wants and how to achieve it.

Addictive pursuits give us something to do that relieves tension, but it’s not doing what needs to be done to address situation. It fills time and provides “busy-ness” but when it’s over, worry returns because problem hasn’t been addressed. It’s a misuse of emotional intelligence to consider that activity has made you “feel good,” So does cocaine, temporarily. Feeling good as a state of being requires facing problems and addressing them.

When Shelley’s had her nicotine and cleaned house, she’ll still have to face what to do about her financial situation because she’s done nothing about it but avoid it. Sam will return from another 3-day escape into sailing tanned and muscular and he will still be trapped in an unresolved situation that’s sapping his energy. Antonio will have a great evening with his latest mistress which will take his mind off his problems, but it’s only temporary euphoria, not same as knowing you’ve taken care of business and your life is in order. At end of their time-outs, they will feel worse about themselves and about their situation for having run from it.

Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. Take a look at what you do when you start to worry and get some outside feedback such as coaching. Is it a realistic worry? Have you made a plan to address root of it? Have you taken first step, which is hardest? Have you gotten emotional side of it handled?

Worry is a waste of time and treating it with an addictive activity or substance is adding insult to injury. It will always be easier in short-term to ruminate and then grab a piece of chocolate or numb your mind with alcohol, but in long run you’ll end up with a new problem on top of old one. If you recognize this as a pattern in your life, are you ready to try something different?