Next, write down all your feelings about event and how you responded. Do this for a few unpleasant situations, such as an argument with your partner, a work conflict, and getting a parking ticket. You might begin to see a pattern in how you interpret and react to events, and this will help you to become aware of and to change patterns.

If you do have pessimistic thoughts, it can help just to be aware that you think that way. Next time your thoughts jump to something like "I never get my way," "Nothing ever gets any better," or "People are always mean to me," try to notice that a pessimistic way of thinking is present for you.

The next step is to distract yourself from your pessimistic beliefs or dispute them. Disputing pessimistic beliefs will bring deeper, longer lasting results than distracting will, but distraction can also be effective, and sometimes easier.

Disputing pessimistic beliefs involves replacing them with alternative, kinder, and more realistic explanations. For example, if you have an argument with your partner, you might immediately think: "S/he never understands me! I'm always one who ends up apologizing. This isn't working out; we should split up." In heat of an argument, it's hard to think rationally. But if you step back and think about situation more realistically, you might find that your thoughts become more positive, and you may even be able to work things out faster. For instance, you might tell yourself, "We just had an argument, and while s/he wasn't very understanding, neither was I. S/he's understood me lots of other times, and will probably understand me again once we've both cooled off. We've always been able to work through our problems before. I know we can again."

Maintaining a hopeful, positive, yet real perspective in face of adversity can be a real challenge - one many are facing right now in world - but it is essential to living peacefully and happily. Just as it is important to recognize what is unjust and unfair in our lives and world, it is equally important to see beauty, love, generosity, and goodness as well. Being gentle and loving with ourselves when we make mistakes, or when bad things happen is key to being hopeful and optimistic. And even if you're not sure it's possible, you can do it!

Place concern of others before one’s own. “A gentleman enjoys sharing –whether a newspaper, a sandwich or his wife’s kindness,” says Hall.

“Being a gentleman compels others to become more civil and kind” says Hall. “By applying some of philosophies highlighted in book, men will see they are impacting others lives in a more positive way.”

The American Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Chivalry is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Borders booksellers. It can also be downloaded as an e-book or purchased directly at www.1stbooks.com. More information on Dr. Hall and publication are also available at www.theamericangentleman.com.

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About Michael Hall

Michael J. Hall, MD devoted six years writing The American Gentleman A Contemporary Guide to Chivalry. As a young man, Hall was interested in what made a gentleman different than other men. On a personal mission, he set out to write a book that could provide answers to his own questions: to discover qualities necessary for developing a state of character. During this quest, Hall has traveled world in search of gentlemen's spirit.

He has practiced in New Orleans and later served a heroin treatment and methadone clinic located in New York City giving him a unique opportunity to help others overcome addiction. Interested in health care for all, Hall recently received a Master’s degree in health care management and policy from Robert F. Wagner School of Public Service-New York University.

Living in Kansas City, Missouri, Hall is 35, single and currently completing a community and family medicine residency, with an emphasis on longevity medicine.

The American Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Chivalry is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Borders booksellers. It can also be downloaded as an e-book or purchased directly at www.1stbooks.com. More information on Dr. Hall and the publication are also available at www.theamericangentleman.com.