The anxiety in separation Once it is determined that members behavior within group confines has become detrimental to Group, and all other avenues have not worked, then only solution is to remove member by banning. Then a more interesting phenomenon develops. The banned member, or members then develop a type of severe anxiety separation disorder. They use any means available to re-join former Group. This can be in form of volumes of email to moderators personal email box, solicitation of continuing members for empathy thru an email campaign, a campaign via Instant Messenger, and sometimes, in more overt cases, formation of an online group from which to launch an “attack”.

The attack can either be in form of flaming, plans to ostracize of perceived perpetrator, or repeated vain attempts to circumnavigate blocked board via spawned ISP addresses or newly created identities. Why is it that members, who had previously expressed sincere displeasure with a Group, would go to such extremes to re-join group they were previously flaming? This type of separation anxiety is common. Reality is that there are millions of groups out there for these individuals to join. The only one they are seriously concerned about is one they were just removed/banned from. This separation anxiety can be brief, or can escalate to years of hostility in online environment.

These “fan” clubs are quite common. Since most violate Terms of Service for ISP’s as being primarily “hate groups” they, in short order, find website removed by ISP. But, of course, then group just moves onward and forward to other campsites on internet sometimes as a group, sometimes as individuals.

Conclusion Each Group and group member emerges from a cocoon, both different in acquired skills exiting than they entered. The process of initiative and creativity only determines a starting point. Learned life skills determine balance. The Fan Club is one outcome. There is a more positive one but those involved in this activity rarely grow to solve interpersonal problems as they do not recognize or understand dynamics that lead them down this path.

Kathleen Johnson

We have to move on and grow up and mature, Much as we ourselves look at kids and feel, that's wrong, but they'll grow out of it in time. And they usually do, don't they, because they see that long term they are better off without doing what  they are doing. Why don't we tell them at time? Because we know they'll tend to do opposite, and that only they can learn to be wise in fullness of time. We can but advise, and sow seeds.

Thus it is with ourselves.

We have established that we can expect NO HELP FROM OTHERS. Why should anyone else help us anyway, it's our problem. If someone came to you with Ive got a terrible problem with my lawyer, and my cat isn't eating, my mother in law is being funny and I've got results of my x rays tomorrow you might well be a little concerned, but I bet your first thought would really and truly be how can I get away as quickly as I possibly can without causing offence? .

So why hell should others be expected to listen to you bleating on about helping you to quit your problem.

IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

Also you will never stop doing anything you really LIKE DOING. You have to really want to stop for good and ever, not just when you attain a certain level, because you will only gradually go back to what you were before, a PAIN.

If you hear an alcoholic say after a year off booze I'm ok for a pint now, what do you REALLY think will happen if he or she has a pint or short? You know as well as I do.

So really you have to

a) Realise it is just you that matters and does anything b) realise you have to really WANT to quit c) Realise no one else is going to do it for you magically. d) realise that it was a phase you had to live through e) realise that it will definitely kill you, very very painfully f) realise that you will have gained from your descent into hell

There are many ways to quit addictions for different people. If you are reading this they have probably all failed.

Wrong.

YOU HAVE FAILED. MOST of methods work if you WANT them to work. I suggest that you treat it as a phase of your life, and you have learned from this phase and wish to move on and prove to everyone that you aren't stupid. Because anyone who knows that something is killing them and alienating people, and still does it, is stupid, has not learned one iota from what they have done have not progressed one jot in their mindset.

Water, pure little tap water, fills you up and is needed more than you think. Eighty per cent of human body is water, so it makes sense to drink it. This is a good start to purifying your body and mind. Drink a few litres a day. And KEEP BUSY.

Remember, I make zero money out of this article, but it is probably best common sense you'll ever read.

Most articles you will read have a hidden agenda, TO MAKE MONEY OUT OF ADDICTED PEOPLE. If you quit forever, they'd lose your money in future, wouldn't they? They plan on you quitting EVERY YEAR. Why not just do it ONCE. I sure as hell would not want to quit smoking and drinking on a yearly basis

WHAT I GAIN

I just get to have a few more people visiting my website, if you stop for a second or two to read this article, as I get a kick out of getting visitors from all over world, and seeing my site visitor numbers rise. I guess you could think of it as an obsession, or a phase I'll probably grow out of in time

But it is also very nice if you can help people, and I've been places you really do not want to go, and had things done to me you really and truly WOULD NOT LIKE. I SHOULD BE DEAD, I am not.

We all KNOW what we should and shouldn't be doing by and large, and no one can make a difference but ourselves.

It is a sad fact of modern life that everyone expects to be able to do what hell they like and then someone will bail them out at last minute.

Fact is, if you don't quit, you'll die young, in pain and alone.

YOUR CHOICE, YOUR LIFE,

but you WILL die sooner than most.

malco may 2003