On Turning Sixty

Written by Robert Levin

Continued from page 1

But ifrepparttar benefits and drawbacks of my hearing impairment are more or less equal,repparttar 118215 short-term memory loss that's accompanied my sexagenarianism has a plus side that actually outweighs its minus side. I'm speaking, of course, ofrepparttar 118216 guarantee it can afford me that a movie I'm going to will be a good one. I'll notice, for instance, an ad for a movie and tell a friend about it. The friend will advise me that I sawrepparttar 118217 movie just a week ago. I'll ask him if I liked it and if he says, "Yeah, you couldn't stop talking about it," I'll think, hey, how often does a movie come with THAT kind of recommendation and I'll go immediately to see it. I'm told that I've seen "Pearl Harbor" eight times now.

(I might add here that my short-term memory loss in no way affects my ability to rememberrepparttar 118218 last time I had sex.)

But ofrepparttar 118219 many compensatory rewards that turning sixty provides, there's one that I value most of all. Although I can still croak at a RELATIVELY early age, I'll be sparedrepparttar 118220 embarrassment of expiring at a TRAGICALLY early age.

Former contributor to The Village Voice and Rolling Stone. Coauthor and coeditor, respectively, of two collections of essays about rock and jazz in the '60s: "Music & Politics" and "Giants of Black Music."

The Prodigal Prince Fred, (Tasmanian Fred, Royal Spoiled Brat)

Written by Troy Nilsson

Continued from page 1

So Fred slept inrepparttar barn withrepparttar 118214 hogs in Missouri Where roachies and rats and reegreechies would scurry So dark and so cold inrepparttar 118215 yuck andrepparttar 118216 storm He'd hug torepparttar 118217 hogs inrepparttar 118218 mud to keep warm.

And up withrepparttar 118219 sunrise Ol' Rooflus came screaming "TIME TO SLOP HOGS- STOP YOUR SNORING AND DREAMING" And oh- how Fred hated to wake up each day For he dreamed of his soft bed, back home, far away.

Then Rooflus would swat with his sluggardly-stick Fred'd jump forrepparttar 118220 bucket of schloppettyschlick, full of sloopage and scumdredge and leftover lardy, rotten vomatoes and chunkies of barfy.

Fred got so hungry his tummy would gurgle When he'd spy a bitey of uneaten burgle Floating about inrepparttar 118221 schloppetyschlick But Rooflus said "NO SIR, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT" For hogs need to eat, they are useful and tasty But you're good for nothing; you're stoopid and lazy .

Andrepparttar 118222 only thing Fred wasrepparttar 118223 Prince of was pigs (Butrepparttar 118224 pigs ate much better than Fred ever did!)

REPENTANCE Luke 15:17 "When he came to his senses, he said, `How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! Luke 15:18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. Luke 15:19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.'

And slowly, sneaking as if by surprise an idea began growing behind Freddy's eyes 'til one day he came to his senses and said, "If I stay with these hogs pretty soon I'll be DEAD!" The servants that work for my Dad eat like Kings And all I can eat is regreechichies and squings And moldy old swatches of schlochettyschlick Left whererepparttar 118225 piggelet's tongues couldn't lick.

So I'll hike back to Father and beg for a job 'cause I've got experience slopping these hogs! Of course he won't let me back intorepparttar 118226 house Since I spent all his money out being a louse I'm no longer worthy of being his son But I'm great withrepparttar 118227 hogs- I can getrepparttar 118228 job done.

EATING HUMBLE PIE Luke 15:20 So he got up and went to his father.

So Fred ran away from Pougkipsee and Rooflus Hitchedhiked a wildebeest down to San Lucas Stowed away inrepparttar 118229 gut of a whale named Jonah Tilrepparttar 118230 whale barfed him out onrepparttar 118231 beach of Pomplona! He ran in a rickshaw to Katmandudu Nambibia, Naples and Kalamazoo.

After 7 long years of swimming and running (It takes a long time without daddy-o's funding) Fred sawrepparttar 118232 land he'd remembered in dreams- The shores of Tasmania- sparkling and clean.

FATHER WELCOMES HIM: "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Now King Frederick feared that young Fred had died But day after day,repparttar 118233 King strained his old eyes Peering through periscopes overrepparttar 118234 hills Praying that Fred would come home to him still.

And that day,repparttar 118235 greatest day, what did he see? Floundering Freddy afloat onrepparttar 118236 sea The King ran like an antelope, threw out a raft Pulled Freddy ontorepparttar 118237 beach with a laugh.

Luke 15:21 "The son said to him, `Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.

Freddy coughed up allrepparttar 118238 seaweed and water said, please don't kill me, but hear me out, Father I've sinned, I'm a joke, I'm a heel of a schmuck I'm mother's worst nightmare- bait for bad luck, so Just let me live inrepparttar 118239 shack withrepparttar 118240 peasants Sloppingrepparttar 118241 hogs, or dressingrepparttar 118242 pheasants I'm no longer worthy to be called your son But I've learned to slop hogs- I can getrepparttar 118243 job done!

Luke 15:22 "Butrepparttar 118244 father said to his servants, `Quick! Bringrepparttar 118245 best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Luke 15:23 Bringrepparttar 118246 fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. Luke 15:24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

King said, "Son, we've no hogs, we're Tasmanian Jews But you're home alive- That'srepparttar 118247 greatest of news!" "So bring him my robe, put my ring on his hand Let's throw a party all overrepparttar 118248 land Strike uprepparttar 118249 band letrepparttar 118250 hoopla abound For Prince Fred was lost; HOORAY, he's been found!"

OLDER SON GETS MAD: Luke 15:25 "Meanwhile,repparttar 118251 older son was inrepparttar 118252 field. When he came nearrepparttar 118253 house, he heard music and dancing. Luke 15:26 So he called one ofrepparttar 118254 servants and asked him what was going on. Luke 15:27 `Your brother has come,' he replied, `and your father has killedrepparttar 118255 fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.' Luke 15:28 "The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. Luke 15:29 But he answered his father, `Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. Luke 15:30 But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you killrepparttar 118256 fattened calf for him!'

But Fred's brother Ned wasn't dancing with glee Ned sat there, lips pouting all pitifully Saying, "Hey daddy-o - I'm as nice as can be- But when did you throw a big party for ME? I worked and I slaved and busted my buttocks While that little twirp spent your loot like a dumb-ox.

FATHER GIVES MORAL Luke 15:31 "`My son,'repparttar 118257 father said, `you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. Luke 15:32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"

"But Ned", saidrepparttar 118258 King, "You're already with me What's mine is all yours, far as eagle eyes see So come on! Let's party, let's rock & get down 'cause Fred, left for dead, is alive and in town!"

And this, goobs and gurls, isrepparttar 118259 way God loves you Whatever you say, sin, bamboozzle or do, When you come running home with your arms open wide God says, "Come on in, love! There's a party inside!"

Copyright 1989 Troy Nilsson You may reprint this story in whole or in part if you: 1) Notify Troy Nilsson ofrepparttar 118260 use, 2) Prominently include credit " Troy Nilsson of NilssonMedia.org" withrepparttar 118261 used material.

See http://www.troynilsson.com

    <Back to Page 1
ImproveHomeLife.com © 2005
Terms of Use