ETIQUETTE

Timing matters. No choice here. Arrive 15 minutes early and don’t leave before everyone leaves.

Don’t be first to complain about anything. No matter how it appears to you, company (boss) is putting on affair, and criticisms will be taken personally. Don’t send meat back; don’t complain about how hard chairs are. You’re a guest; be appreciative. Save face.

If boss does complain about something, agree, but be milder about it. Never upstage. If he thinks salmon is "atrocious," don't say, "I thought it was heavenly," or talk about a time when you got instantly ill with food poisoning over salmon one time. If he's got a big personality, he'll probably announce salmon won't do and tell waiter to take back everyone's. If it's more minor than that, say something like, "Yes, I think you’re right, but isn’t risotto delicious?”

Conversation is focus. Comments should never be made about what someone else is eating or isn’t (“What’s wrong Marcia? Don’t you like XX?”) or doing. If someone knocks over their water glass, help them out surreptitiously, but keep conversation going as if nothing had happened.

CROSS TALK

If boss starts a conversation with person on her side, you may do same, but be prepared to cease if boss takes stage again.

Many people find this practice obnoxious, but boss is “the presence,” and it’s their job to hold court. It’s work and it’s expected. Save any personal issues you may have about this for another time.

FISH BOWL

All of us know intuitively that person who isn’t nice to waiter isn’t a nice person at all. You are being watched.

BLEND

Match behaviors. Sedate, or rowdy, attempt to get with spirit of thing. Whatever personal idiosyncrasies you may have about food or spirits, keep it to yourself. No one wants to know that you're on a diet, lactose intolerant, in recovery, allergic to chocolate, or a vegan. Order or eat from what's available, without comment.

METALLIC?

What to wear? Office festive, which means a muted Christmas pin, scarf or tie, but don’t be shouting “Christmas.” Stay within normal range for attire at your office adding only a 'nod' to holidays. If you don't know difference between "professional dress up" and "party attire," you're going to flunk. This is not a time for skins, latex, cleavage, a lot of hairy chest exposed, a jingle bell bracelet, or anything remotely approaching a "costume."

You may feel like Mrs. Santa or Christmas Elf that night, but Monday morning you're going to be HR Director or Senior Accountant, and how can they respect you when they were staring at your exposed breasts across table?

DON’T ENJOY YOURSELF

Sorry, it’s one of most stressful things you can go through. You are trapped for an hour or more of scrutiny, you have to think every moment, and you must’ve relax.

If you're new to this, observe others to know what to do, imitate person you think is most savvy, and resist all urges to stand out in any way. There's nothing wrong with sitting there, smiling, and saying a little when spoken to. Observe with intent of learning. Notice what goes over well and what doesn't, and make mental notes for next time.

2. Warm Contacts.

From everyone you seek out while you are making personal contacts, you try to obtain names and contact numbers of people they know and if you can use their names as a source of referral. If all people you directly know, literally dozens, give you a few names to call, you may have well over a hundred names within a few days. Frequently first and second level contacts are all that is required. Someone you touch will know of something suitable somewhere.

3. Tepid and Cold Contacts.

If you are really unfortunate, your circle of social acquaintances is very limited, your geographic area has devastating economic blight, your have negative or limiting personal aspects (prison record, disabilities, a very poor work record), then you may need to expand an extra level or two. Secondary referrals have some potential but more tenuous link between you and your friends and target person, less effort to help you is likely to be encountered. When you have exhausted all of your contact lists, unlikely but possible, you are left with standard job search techniques (classifieds, internet, job fairs, agencies) or cold calling. Cold calls, whether by telephone or, preferably, in person, require you to call or walk into an employer without any introduction, and with no knowledge of any openings. You are likely to receive many negative responses to your queries but sometimes you just happen to time it perfectly and there is a newly available position that suits you. While chances are sobering, you can still feel proud that you are out in world, taking positive actions for yourself, rather than withdrawing into sanctuary of home where odds against success become astronomical.