Nurses have two kinds of needles. One, they have nice sharp pointy needles that pierce epidermis with greatest of ease causing least amount of discomfort.

The second type is reserved for those certain patients, and you know who you are, that cross them. I'm referring to square point needles that gouge flesh. I'm proud to say I experienced former.

The second has to do with hospital bedpans. What deranged person masterminded this dysfunctional appliance? Some research must be funded by government to track this person or persons down and have them executed.

Normally I'm not a violent man. My philosophy is "live and let live." However, hospital bedpans are not normal and are deliberately designed to malfunction every time. Don't ask me how I know, I just do. If not executed, then they should be confined to a hospital bed for rest of their life and I have just bedpan for them.

The third thing I discovered in hospital has to do with those x-rated hospital gowns. They come in one-size-fits-all. That's all right if you happen to be 3'6."

Unless a person is dyslexic, it takes no rocket scientist to see I am a bit larger than 3'6." I just happen to be 6'3" and have never been mistaken for a midget. I have no idea what these so-called gowns were designed for but it was not for modesty.

In fact, there is some evidence that patients in psychiatric ward of hospital designed hospital gown as a group therapy project. It has absolutely no practical - or impractical for that matter - purpose in this life. The hospital gown could be classified as cross-purpose-driven garment.

Several days have passed since leaving my hospital oasis, giving me some time for reflection. The hardest thing for a person like me is to wait. I have my agenda and I dare person to stand in my way.

God, however, has devised marvelous ways of incorporating into our daily regime opportunities to practice this illusive virtue.

A passage from Psalms keeps running through back of my mind. "My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah." (Psalms 62:5-8 KJV.)

Nurses, bedpans and X-rated hospital gowns are not real issues of a hospital stay. Trusting God in adversity is most important.

And last but not least, fire-fighters, police and emergency response personnel (traditionally subject of made-for-TV dramas), are staging sit-downs in order to give their feet a rest and to protest influx of reality-TV shows starring foolhardy folk who are undermining their job opportunities for walk-on parts, consulting roles, or professional posing gigs as hunks for charity balls and fundraising calendars.

The only bright light on horizon is a dramatic boost in holiday bookings to "Fool's Paradise", (a boon to flagging hospitality, travel and airline transportation industries), and a firstly quarterly earnings report issued by U.S. Mattress Manufacturing Industry Trade Group indicating brisk sales in coiled bedding but a plummeting demand for waterbeds since January 2005.

With such a grave situation at hand, United Nations, World Bank, and European Union, not to mention White House and 10 Downing Street have announced that “the following List of Famous Last Words shall be banished forthwith, immediately, and “toute de suite” from all public speech and discourse”.

These drastic measures are being taken in hope of restoring peace on earth and goodwill toward men (not to mention a very long list of other affirmative action members of society, who for needs of brevity shall remain forever nameless, at least in this agonizingly arduous article on much ado about nothing of vital importance or cataclysmic proportions in hitherto inexplicable grand scheme of things…unless of course one has successfully completed "Introduction to Philosopy 101", "Elementary Quantum Physics 102", or "Zen for Men 999".)

And, for those who have been waiting, (with baited breath naturally), for “Top 10 Banned Famous Last Words List”, here they are:

-- That’s cool - some of my best friends have useless appendages like that.

-- That would be mine thank you.

-- What duck! ...I'm bleeding Fickle Finger of Fate for pete's sake!

-- Now I ask you, what would Truth Turtle do in this situation?

-- Oh don’t be so superstitious!

-- These are good kind of mushrooms, (Martha told me so).

-- Look, if “The-Great-Sees-All-Knows-All-Spirit-of-Everything” doesn’t need them, neither should you!

-- Okay, so who let you into gene pool?

-- I can do this with my eyes closed ... but what does this little button do?

-- The odds of that happening are a million to one!

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