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These women spend much of their energy in efforts to make a loving relationship with a man and to deal with his seemingly incomprehensible feelings, ideas and reactions. At same time, he is often befuddled, by flux and flow of her endless supply of emotions. It's almost as if they are speaking two different languages: She: one of romance. He: one of functionality and “fix problem please.” Sometimes roles are reversed and she can be practical pragmatic one, seeking to be swept off her feet.
When two people are in this wonderfully romantic phase, urge to merge outshines all potential problems. Being “in love” seems to heal all wounds.
Ah, but what happens when veils are lifted and time and tasks of ordinary life begin to intrude? Somehow, very qualities that once seemed “perfect” are now pains barely endured. In this phase, a couple has opportunity to develop a real, committed working relationship, or split. Real, long lasting love and being “in love” are experiences that are worlds apart.
During this New Year, whether you are alone or already in a relationship, short term or long, think about what it will take for you to heal your own wounds and/or to learn from your partner in order to become whole. This is a very difficult process, requiring much effort. This New Year, are you ready to make effort?
Life is too hard to do alone,
Dorree Lynn, PH.D.
Dr. Dorree Lynn is co-founder of the Institute for the Advanced Study of Psychotherapy and a practicing clinician in New York and Washington, DC. Dr. Lynn served on the executive board of the American Academy of Psychotherapists and she is on the editorial board of their publication, Voices. She is also a regular columnist for the Washington, DC newspaper, The Georgetowner. Dr. Lynn is a noted speaker and well known on the lecture circuit.