Set aside your desire to "Win." Winning an argument is not same as succeeding in conflict resolution where, together with your roommates, you will all win over conflict situation.

Each roommate should be able to talk freely about how he/she feels. Make sure that each person's ideas and feelings are clear to everyone involved. Be willing to share your feelings honestly and don't expect others to know how you feel without being told.

Assume each other's perspective. Ask your roommate to reverse positions, i.e., to stand in your shoes while you stand in theirs. This can sometimes be most effective way of getting your point across and, contrariwise, understanding where your roommate is coming from.

Avoid blaming each other. Assessing blame often has effect of making other party defensive and anxious to find fault with you, widening instead of narrowing conflict.

Talk about actions which can be changed rather than personalities. "You leave your books on dining room table," can lead to a change of habit; while, "You're a lazy slob," will only lead to defensiveness and hostility. Personal attacks destroy communication of productive ideas.

Don't team up with one roommate against another. This creates defensiveness in third roommate. You are all working together for a solution.

Don't psycho-analyze your roommate. Avoid a statement such as "Maybe you don't realize this about yourself, but...." Most people don't like feeling of being analyzed. Instead, take responsibility for your own feelings. A better approach might be, "What you're doing makes me feel...." If your roommates begin fighting unfairly, take responsibility for getting things back on right track. You don't have to let a confrontation go from bad to worse. Help set and maintain positive tone of discussion by your example.

Don't put your roommates on spot by insisting on an immediate response to your demands. If possible, give each other time (at least overnight) to think over a specific demand or suggested cause of action.

dan the roommate man

If you do get hauled into court, and you can point to shoddy paperwork or landlord's behavior, such as not maintaining rental property in habitable condition, or retaliation for insisting on repairs, you can diminish landlord's chances of victory.

Finally, even if landlord wins eviction lawsuit, she can't just move you and your things out onto sidewalk. Typically, she must give court judgment to a local law enforcement officer, along with a fee. The sheriff or marshal gives you a notice that officer will be back within a few days to escort you off property.

More friendly advice from

DAN THE ROOMMATE MAN