In spite of their original hardship, two of children blossomed, and two took many years to straighten themselves out and to grow into decent functioning men. Barbara made many mistakes along way. But who can blame her? In my view, she deserves kudos and badges for courage and perseverance and for knowledge that she not only needed help, but also that she managed to find it.

It is a myth that mothering is easy or always joyous. There are few women in our society who don’t know feeling of wanting to hurt a collicky or screaming child or leave room in order not to. Most women have feelings and never act on them. A few, like Andrea Yates, break and go over edge into a realm unthinkable by majority. These women are desperate and in despair. And, if married, their husbands, are equally culpable if they turn away from what they know is going on.

Barbara has remained a close friend. Her life path is very different from mine. But, wisdom gained from her struggles so generously shared with me, has taught me not to judge harshly. Motherhood is supposed to be best time of our lives. For many of us, as much as we may love our children, simply, it is not.

This column's for you,

DR. D

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.

As wine flowed and we continued to chat, Eileen started to talk more openly about her family history and more specifically, about her sister. Barbara, she said, always seemed blue and she was forever in some sort of psychotherapy and/or on mood medication for her depression. Eileen was proud of fact that she had never needed psychotherapy or taken medication to lift her spirits. In fact, she was very clear that she couldn’t understand any one who did.

I listened carefully to Eileen’s version of life, of her certitude that if only one has power of positive thinking and decides to go after what he or she wants, one will achieve his or her goal. It was incomprehensible to her that there could be any reason for anyone to ever “fall apart.” She lived in a world based on ‘wonder woman’ illusions, a world where all people had symbolic gold bracelets that could stop speeding bullets and ensure no emotional harm.

I have heard many people speak as Eileen did, with no comprehension that for some people just getting up in morning is an act of enormous courage and that sometimes they needed all help they could get just to make it through day. For a variety of reasons, many that we know, and just as many that we don’t, some people are like tea bags: put them in hot water and they do grow stronger. Others, worn out, also like tea bags, tear and break, messily spilling their contents adrift in boiling water.

After years as a psychologist, as someone who has “seen it all,” I know less about what makes difference between those who make it through life with ease and those who don’t than I ever did. What I do know though, is for those that get through life with minimal scalding, I rejoice. And for those who need help, I stretch out my hand.

Life is too hard to do alone,

Dr. D.

Dorree Lynn, PH.D.