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This role modeling exists in form of our spiritual Guidance. Tapping into this Guidance is not as hard as you may think - it just takes practice and a deep desire to move out of fight or flight and into loving action.
The steps we can take to move out of automatic fight or flight and into loving actions are:
1. Start to attend to your feelings, physical sensations within your body that let you know when you are anxious or afraid.
2. Stop and breathe when you feel fear or anxiety in face of conflict, or in face of anotherís fight or flight behavior. Give yourself some breathing time to make a conscious decision rather than go on automatic pilot.
3. Open to learning with source of spiritual Guidance that is always here for all of us by asking with a sincere desire to know, ďWhat is loving action? What is in my highest good and highest good of other?Ē Asking this question with a deep desire to learn opens door to receiving information. It does not matter whether you are asking this of your own highest self within, or from an external source of wisdom. The information will come in form of words, pictures, or feelings when you sincerely want to be loving to yourself and others.
4. Take action on information you receive.
Examples of loving action are:
1. Move into compassion for other person, recognizing that he or she would not be in fight or flight without being in fear. Asking other person, again from a deep desire to learn, what he or she is afraid of that is causing this behavior may de-escalate situation and lead to understanding and healing.
2. If other person is not open to calm discussion and exploration of conflict, disengage from interaction, speaking your truth without anger or blame. For example, you might say, ďI donít want to fight with you. Iím going to take a walk and letís try to talk about it later.Ē Or, ďThis isnít feeling good between us. Letís take a break and get together later.Ē
3. If other person has withdrawn from you, loving action may be to do something fun or nurturing for yourself.
Both staying and learning together or taking some time apart to reflect on issues or self-nurture will break cycle of each person going into fight or flight in reaction to other personís fight or flight. It takes conscious practice to stop going into automatic behavior, but payoff is well worth time it takes to practice loving action.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:email@example.com