The bipolar's swollen self-esteem, overstated self-confidence, obvious grandiosity, and delusional fantasies are akin to narcissist's and are source of diagnostic confusion. Both types of patients purport to give advice, carry out an assignment, accomplish a mission, or embark on an enterprise for which they are uniquely unqualified and lack talents, skills, knowledge, or experience required.

But bipolar's bombast is far more delusional than narcissist's. Ideas of reference and magical thinking are common and, in this sense, bipolar is closer to schizotypal than to narcissistic.

There are other differentiating symptoms:

Sleep disorders - notably acute insomnia - are common in manic phase of bipolar and uncommon in narcissism. So is "manic speech" - pressured, uninterruptible, loud, rapid, dramatic (includes singing and humorous asides), sometimes incomprehensible, incoherent, chaotic, and lasts for hours. It reflects bipolar's inner turmoil and his/her inability to control his/her racing and kaleidoscopic thoughts.

As opposed to narcissists, bipolar in manic phase are often distracted by slightest stimuli, are unable to focus on relevant data, or to maintain thread of conversation. They are "all over place" - simultaneously initiating numerous business ventures, joining a myriad organization, writing umpteen letters, contacting hundreds of friends and perfect strangers, acting in a domineering, demanding, and intrusive manner, totally disregarding needs and emotions of unfortunate recipients of their unwanted attentions. They rarely follow up on their projects.

The transformation is so marked that bipolar is often described by his/her closest as "not himself/herself". Indeed, some bipolars relocate, change name and appearance, and lose contact with their "former life". Antisocial or even criminal behavior is not uncommon and aggression is marked, directed at both others (assault) and oneself (suicide). Some biploars describe an acuteness of senses, akin to experiences recounted by drug users: smells, sounds, and sights are accentuated and attain an unearthly quality.

As opposed to narcissists, bipolars regret their misdeeds following manic phase and try to atone for their actions. They realize and accept that "something is wrong with them" and seek help. During depressive phase they are ego-dystonic and their defenses are autoplastic (they blame themselves for their defeats, failures, and mishaps).

Finally, pathological narcissism is already discernible in early adolescence. The full-fledged bipolar disorder - including a manic phase - rarely occurs before age of 20. The narcissist is consistent in his pathology - not so bipolar. The onset of manic episode is fast and furious and results in a conspicuous metamorphosis of patient.

More about this topic here:

Stormberg, D., Roningstam, E., Gunderson, J., & Tohen, M. (1998) Pathological Narcissism in Bipolar Disorder Patients. Journal of Personality Disorders, 12, 179-185

Roningstam, E. (1996), Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder in Axis I Disorders. Harvard Review of Psychiatry, 3, 326-340

Why? Because I could delineate here logic and rationale that would lead you out of turmoil intellectually (if only that were possible). The cold, hard facts are that we don’t always get what we want, that tragedy occurs, that children die before their parents, that best of workers gets fired, that there are no guarantees one you love will love you back, that you can maintain a strict health regime and still need a bypass at 55, and that a cushy retirement is a phenomenon produced in minds of a generation whose parents never expected such.

But does this help? No. In fact it sounds cruel. This is what happens to OTHER people, we will always think, and if one of these adversities occurs, we will struggle with question, “Why me?”

Sadly, more appropriate question is “Why NOT me?” and how that hurts.

The acts of 911 brought this actuality to lives of many people who hadn’t experienced it before. “This could never happen” became a reality and it shook our foundations. This is what resilience is about. It’s about what do we do when we land on another planet, when we lose our moorings, when nothing makes sense, when sun we expect to rise every day one day does not, when things we believed in no longer hold true.

Resilience involves flexibility and forgiveness. Forgiveness of ourselves, of other people, of random universe, and for whatever spiritual expectations and beliefs we held, and flexibility to cope with something entirely new. These assaulting events cause us to reorient, to think things through at deepest level, and to learn new ways of not just adjusting, but of adapting. We may even be called upon to have a metamorphosis, like tadpole. It can feel like you’re a creature with gills who lives in water who is suddenly required to grow lungs and breathe air.

While we continue to hope and believe that bad things won’t happen to good people (like us!), it’s wise to work on developing your emotional intelligence so some of these skills are available when you need them. Once you understand fundamentals, you can begin applying them to small matters in your life. It’s like flexing your muscles. You’ll be glad you did!

HOW TO BEGIN

You can begin by taking The EQ Map ( http://tinyurl.com/z94t ), an emotional intelligence assessment. Then take The EQ Foundation Course (see my website), read some EQ books ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html ), and work with an EQ coach.

Many people who begin this journey say, “It’s missing piece.”