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What are turn-offs for you?
* " Doesn't take care of herself- sloppy, disorganized, etc." * " Negativity is a big turn-off- behavior, relationships, conversation" * " High-maintenance- nothing is ever enough" * " Game-player/won't express needs and feelings directly" * " Expects too much in general and doesn't give back equally" * " Is always
victim- everyone unfair and unkind to them" * "needy, insecure, clingy" * " selfish- stingy with money, time, friends"
What are
qualities that make a woman a "keeper"?
* " Nurturing" * "supportive" * " intelligent" * " very into me" * " appreciates what I contribute and is respectful of my feelings" * " self-reliant" * "family-oriented, likes kids" * " career or no career ok as long as she contributes to
family (great mom)
How would you define "date"?
* " Make plans in advance" * " There is something there besides sex" * " This is something you want to pursue- have an interest in
person" * "Friends with benefits can lead to dating or be considered a date" * "Hooking-up is not dating"
How does a woman know if a guy is really interested?
* " He will pursue her" * " No matter what, he will keep in contact" * " He communicates regularly and pursues a dating relationship"
How does a guy let a woman know he is not/no longer interested?
* " He will vanish" * " Email or call but not bring up getting together" * "Say I had a great time, etc.- but then not call" * "Won't return calls or call when he said he would" * "Talk with her about how he is feeling/not feeling, but this is hard for many men to do" * "Has to do with his age and level of maturity- these will determine which way he will handle it"
Why/when do guys marry?
* " It's about maturity and readiness" * " Age and what friends are doing plays a large role" * " Has to do with readiness for making a commitment and having kids, etc." * " Heeds to feel financially, emotionally ready" * " Needs to really click with a woman- on all levels" * "timing is a lot of it"
The content of
feedback from these guys was very consistent. The overall consensus? High-maintenance, negative women are
biggest turn-offs. Confident, together women, who take care of themselves, can communicate honestly and directly and are easy to be with- got
highest marks. Timing in relationships plays a huge role. Mostly,
men emphasized that when a guy is truly interested in a woman, he will pursue her and let her know. If he offers excuses and doesn't follow through, he's just not interested- either in her or in a relationship at this time.
My advice to
women out there. "Listen" closely to what he communicates non-verbally. If he says one thing, but does another, he is not telling you
whole truth. If you have just begun dating someone or have seen him for a while and his behavior towards you changes suddenly- address this with him immediately. Most of all, if something just doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Trust your instincts and let them be your guide.

Toni Coleman, MSW is a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach who has been quoted in many publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentinel newspapers and Family Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Health Channel and AOL Online. She is a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Morning Show, (St. Louis, MO). Toni founded Consum-mate.com in 2002.