May the best man whine

Written by Christopher Ford

Continued from page 1

Rings on finger, sweat marks under control, we were called through torepparttar reception area. The food, likerepparttar 125497 day, was immaculate. Disappointingly,repparttar 125498 reception was dry. I think I had uncovered some rum inrepparttar 125499 cheesecake, but was far from break dancing whenrepparttar 125500 band came on. We respectedrepparttar 125501 family’s religion, and I mingled withrepparttar 125502 guests discussing how smoothlyrepparttar 125503 day had run.

Suddenly, conversation quieted, and all attention turned torepparttar 125504 groom. I became very concerned why he had pulled what looked to be 3 to 4 sheets of handwritten paper from his pocket. Confused at how many people he could possibly have to toast, I pulledrepparttar 125505 empty lining of my pockets to indicate how many sheets I didn’t have.

If looks could kill, I would have made a widow of his bride before he’d put down his punch. Hastily, I scribbled down some thoughts on a napkin, but knew it would take a miracle to pull this off.

50 minutes and 7 sheets of handwritten paper later, I was asked to takerepparttar 125506 floor to a rapturous applause. Allrepparttar 125507 fruit punch in Florida couldn’t have stopped my mouth from drying up as I confrontedrepparttar 125508 room full of 200-strong unsuspecting guests, all thirsty for a good laugh.

I have chosen not to reiterate what was actually said that day. I have also chosen not to watchrepparttar 125509 wedding video, or speak torepparttar 125510 groom again. If there was a spade to hand, I would have first struckrepparttar 125511 groom with it, and then proceed to dig a hole large enough to climb in. But there wasn’t. What there was however, were coughs, sighs, and one heckle requesting that I “got on with it”, because that particular gentlemen didn’t have all day. This was of no comfort to me, nor were my words of any comfort torepparttar 125512 bride,repparttar 125513 groom, or anyone else. I will remain thankful however, torepparttar 125514 waitress who let out one solitary clap atrepparttar 125515 end of my speech, and torepparttar 125516 inventor ofrepparttar 125517 hotel mini-bar.

I learned some valuable lessons that day. For one, Americans don’t understandrepparttar 125518 northeastern accent, nor do they appreciate sarcastic comments in jest about a groom’s sexuality. Butrepparttar 125519 most important lesson learned that day, was to prepare and research for a speech. Not just your words, but also your audience. Until you do that, do not even consider mentioningrepparttar 125520 time you discovered your best friend burping his worm over Yasmine Bleeth, unless your absolutely sure it will get a laugh.

Male, 24 new to the writing industry and looking to develop my cynical approach to the world.

The Lifesaving Hobby

Written by Ed Howes

Continued from page 1

Do I believe weapons of mass destruction may be in place for remote detonation? If I believe anything can be planted anywhere, will you think merepparttar fool? Ifrepparttar 125496 Capitol is destroyed as thoroughly asrepparttar 125497 Trade Center, what will life be like inrepparttar 125498 rest ofrepparttar 125499 country? If two or three other cities are destroyed atrepparttar 125500 same time, what will life be like forrepparttar 125501 survivors? Is it all too horrible to consider? What will happen to first responders? What will happen to you and me and those we love? What should we be doing to prepare for whatrepparttar 125502 leaders have made inevitable? I have published my answers to these questions. No one has contributed additional suggestions or ideas, although I don't think I amrepparttar 125503 only one with these ideas.

I was disappointed that a small circle of friends had no interest in lifesaving. I can understand this. Alarmists have been shouting warnings for centuries, back to biblical times. Sometimes destruction came afterrepparttar 125504 warnings. Sometimes it did not. What do you think ofrepparttar 125505 odds today? Has our reaction to Al Qaeda's attacks discouraged them? Has it prevented them from planning bigger and better things? Has anyone seriously diminished their will or capability? Why haven't they deployed weapons of mass destruction yet? Have they misplaced them? Are they storing them near you?

I know there is tremendous resistance to thinking in a way that poses such questions. We have a guiding philosophy inrepparttar 125506 West that never SEEMS to fail us. Just pretend nothing is wrong. Evenrepparttar 125507 leaders aren't doing that anymore! In fact, it is that very philosophy which has perched us onrepparttar 125508 edge ofrepparttar 125509 abyss. We can't afford it another day more.

We plan our self defense. We plan for our survival. But we don't wait forrepparttar 125510 situation to executerepparttar 125511 plan. We ask hard questions. What would America be if it was simultaneously unplugged from its electrical umbilical and Internet communications, globally? We spreadrepparttar 125512 word that a survival ofrepparttar 125513 fittest situation is possible and probable. Who will prepare forrepparttar 125514 terror not yet imagined in a nation slated for destruction by those capable of success?

And why is it we want to survive, anyway? It is to helprepparttar 125515 others. Is that now a strange idea in America? Can this idea outlive government help? As America goes, so goesrepparttar 125516 rest. Can we possibly point America in a better direction? Does it all have to be destroyed before we can start over? We can start now. If we prepare forrepparttar 125517 end of Western Civilization (You have my word something better will replace it, when we LET GO) and all is wine and roses; were we fools? Not really. We learned things about us better known early than late. We learned a little independence inrepparttar 125518 land ofrepparttar 125519 free. Who should be embarrassed?

If you want to take uprepparttar 125520 lifesaving hobby, just say and writerepparttar 125521 truths that can save lives. If you have no thoughts of your own, borrow some from others and pass them along. The idea is to spreadrepparttar 125522 word. We are not trying to create a secret survivor society. We'd just like to see that everyone knows they have made choices. If poor choices have been made, new choices are in order. Last, but not least, why don't I get feedback onrepparttar 125523 thoughts I share?

(1277 words)

Freelance writer published on many websites and in newspapers.

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