If you’re planning on getting married someday, be aware of what your emotional issues are. And if you don’t know what your issues are, you may be most likely candidate for a divorce down road.

3.Be Kind, Not Right—We tend to have a tremendous stake in showing our loved ones that we’re right. An enormous amount of time is wasted in our relationships by arguing over who’s right or wrong.

This excessive arguing is just an indication of our low self-esteem. A much easier and more effective way to be in a relationship is to commit to kindness. When you’re kind, you don’t need to be right. And it’s much easier for others to be with you!

There certainly are both justifiable divorces and “well-done” divorces that are respectful of kids involved. But number of divorces involving childish and irresponsible decisions based on self-interest is staggering.

Children deserve more than this. To allow a system to continue that has half of our kids witnessing their parent’s divorce is to turn our backs on our most precious commodity.

It’s time to consider alternatives. Let’s look at how we can spend more time educating and training young people about relationship skills and emotional intelligence. Let’s look at fact that in about 80% of divorces in this country, only one of participants (usually woman) wants to end marriage. Can we keep no-fault divorce as it is?

And most importantly, let’s look at our own attitudes about commitment and decide what we want to do.

Because cost of not doing these things is beyond measure.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is a certified personal Coach and the author of “Fix Your Wife in 30 Days or Less” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/saveyourmarriage.htm Sign up for his free newsletter, “Dads Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.

If in our lifetime we could speak to our kids with a voice this sweet, it would be enough.

But until we reach this level, what should we do after we yell at our kids?

Here are five ideas:

1.Recover quickly – Recovering emotionally (or faking your recovery) will make it much easier on your children and show them how to be resilient themselves.

2.Apologize, but don’t overdo it – It’s important to say you’re sorry, but don’t dwell on it and don’t show signs of pity. This will help create a victim of your child faster than drop of a hat.

3.Avoid finding ways to blame them – It’s incredibly easy to blame your kids when you’re angry. It’s OK to say, “When I saw you hit your brother I felt angry,” but avoid saying, “You made me angry.” You’re responsible for your own anger—teach this to your children.

4.Process incident with them – Children can be traumatized by yelling, and it helps to talk about what happened for each of them. Ask them questions about it and allow them a chance to talk about it if they’d like.

5.Don’t beat yourself up about it – You don’t have to envision your kids twenty years from now telling their therapist how you screwed up their life! Kids are pretty resilient and they’ll recover, especially if you follow these steps and keep working on yourself.

While we’re not perfect, we can still search for voice as “sweet as murmur of brook and rustle of corn.”

It might even keep your kids out of therapists’ chair.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches men to be better fathers and husbands. He is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/father.htm For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, “Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids,” at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.