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You feel an irresistible urge to get inside a cupboard as soon as it's open and remove any articles of clothing from their hangers.
You love climbing into any drawer that those fools carelessly leave open.
You know how to open an inkjet printer and watch black plastic things move, even though you haven't quite been able to bat one yet. But one day, you know you will.
Bug hunt! C'mere Daddy! Bug hunt!
You like it when people knock on your head.
You have an amazing variety of sound effects that cannot be reproduced phonetically.
When you are watching birds out big window, they try to attack you.
You have uncanny ability to vanish whenever you want. And nobody can find you no matter how hard they try, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
You can eat all tins you want. All! Just say meow and more food magically appears.
You talk whenever one of your pet humans goes to toilet. You feel an obligation to yowl on their behalf, same as you do when using your own facilities, because for some strange reason they lack this ability.
The computer is a friendly animal that purrs when you cuddle it.
You attack funnel web spiders on television screen.
Sometimes you stop talking in middle of a sentence and wash your leg or your naughty bits.
You are always right, no matter how bad you are.
Michael LaRocca's free weekly newsletter, WHO MOVED MY RICE?, is not about cats. It's about his life as an English teacher in Shaoxing, China. But it does include many stories about Picasso, the lovely Calico cat he rescued from the Hong Kong SPCA. http://www.chinarice.org