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July 14 – JAW-BONING & JAY-WALKING DAY (Time to recognize vital role played by influence peddlers and crazy cross-walkers in lives of dull and boring).
July 15 – JOB’S COMFORTER AWARENESS DAY (There’s one in every crowd who discourages or depresses while seemingly giving comfort and consolation – give them a wailing towel, a big fat sucker, and send them back where they came from fast!)
July 16 – JOSHING & BANTERING DAY (Good-natured teasing, idle-talk, and twiddling thumbs burn calories and brings bliss, what more do you want from life?)
July 17 – JUMPER, JUMP-SUIT & JOHNNY FASHION DAY (Time to honor clothes designed for folks with no curves, no class and no clever jokes to get a laugh!)
July 18 – NATIONAL PUT-YOUR-JOHN-HENRY-HERE DAY (Finally a day to finger all those folks who scribble signatures on documents that none of us can read!)
July 19 – JANGLED NERVES & JIGSAW PUZZLE DAY (A time to honor little lost puzzle pieces and those frazzled folks who call this leisure activity – stress-busting!)
July 20 – JODHPUR APPRECIATION DAY (A form-fitting pair of leggings with a full cut through hips that every well-dressed closet elephant-lover should wear!)
July 21 – JOLLY ROGER RECOGNITION DAY (Pirates are pleased that basic black is back, while patriotic flag-waving folk adore classic look of skulls and cross-bones to impress their friends & allies!)
July 22 – JOHNNY-COME-LATELY DAY (If you’re always late for a very important date …and your name’s not “Mad Hatter”… this day is made for you!)
July 23 – JITTERBUG APPRECIATION DAY (So you have two left feet, and you can’t find right groove let alone wrong one…but who says you can’t jive, jump and down, or jiggle your booty like Big Bopper or Loony Crooner?)
July 24 – JETSAM & FLOTSAM APPRECIATION DAY (Time to toss a few things overboard in sea of life before you take that all-expense paid trip on Titanic!)
July 25 – JIGGING, JOGGING, & JUGGLING DAY (A way to honor those who like tap dancing on head of a pin, running a mile in someone else’s shoes, or deftly tossing objects in air with not a hope in hell of catching them without aid of an iron fist in a velvet glove, a spanking new magic wand and Wizard of Id presiding over this ridiculous spectacle).
July 26 – JALOPENA PEPPER AWARENESS DAY (If devil is in details, then Beelzebub probably eats Tabasco sauce for main course and hot peppers for dessert! So if you want to be a big bouncer or a big bazooka movie star – eat plenty of those suckers!)
July 27 – JUMP IN THE JACUZZI DAY (To gain a new perspective on life, toss your knickers, drop your drawers and enjoy a bubble bath with your friends or neighbors).
July 28 – INTERNATIONAL JARGON APPRECIATION DAY (In recognition of people who love sound of their own voices and enjoy spitting out some very strange words that baffle or boggle mind of those who have to wade through all their bleeping bumpf!)
July 29 – JOVIAL JINGOISM DAY (Time to write a catchy, hilarious but short patriotic jingle to rally freedom-loving world against evils of consuming Neapolitan ice-cream with a rosy red, sticky maraschino cherry on top!)
July 30 – JACK-IN-THE-BOX & JUMPING JACK DAY (A day honoring all those who spend an inordinate amount of time, money, and other resources trying to stuff “Jack-be-nimble-Jack-be-quick” or just a bunch of jack-ass types back into wrong frigging box ...but never tell that to a manager…these Big Blessed Birds are paid to pigeon hole everyone!)
July 31 – JOWL APPRECIATION DAY (This is joy-filled festive occasion features fondling of a dewlap, wattle or pendulous part of a double chin belonging to an intimate friend or close companion - just to let them know how much their wiggly whatsit means to you).
Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and Lord Earl Craboon are two charm-free types (who having been tossed out of the House of Lords and Ladies in Jolly Olde England) ended up in the Court of the Quipping Queen situated on the tip of Vancouver Island waiting for a 9 point on the Richter scale earthquake to hit at any moment. (In the meantime, please feel free to drop by www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com for more breathtaking details).