Garden: Don't bother to buy gardening twine, plastic ties, etc. for tying back your plants, just use old tights/stockings and I promise you will never revert back. You can cut tights into strips for delicate plants/branches or make use of whole stocking or tight leg for tying back shrubs. |You cannot beat them for strength and also they do not rot like garden string, but, more importantly, although material acts as a firm support, it 'g-i-v-e-s' so that it does not cut into plant, and is almost invisible among branches and flowers. We even have a use for foot (nothing is wasted) as tied onto end of downpipe as it goes into rainwater butt, it collects all leaves and debris before they have a chance to foul water, and when foot is full you can just slip it off pipe and deposit contents onto compost heap or put whole thing into refuse bin. The thick part of tight can also be used as padding to stop branches rubbing and becoming diseased. I also find tights very good for wrapping large cordylines into an umbrella shape before covering with winter protection, as they hold long pointed leaves gently but firmly. (As you are probably aware, if winter rain accumulates in inside of cordyline and freezes, then unfortunately it is goodbye cordyline, which is a shame as it is such a beautiful architectural plant).

Garage/Shed: Tights are also very useful for storing garden bulbs, onions, apples, old carrier bags, etc. Hang up in garage or shed and just take from bottom and reseal with peg. Also, good for straining lumps/skin from old paint, or placing over tin before replacing lid - it makes a good seal and you can remove lid with ease. Useful when painting - cover half of open top with a tight in order to make a temporary rest for your brush and any excess paint drips back into tin

. . . . . and so on . . . . .

I know that our brains feel as though they are hibernating this cold weather, but I hope above has started them ticking over and we really look forward to hearing your bright ideas. So, don't throw away all those old tights when you are doing your spring clear-out - WAIT FOR ALL THE FORTHCOMING GOOD IDEAS . . .

Talking of spring cleaning, I've just remembered another tip; avoid messy job of extracting cobwebs etc from your fluffy duster after dusting ceilings, lamp shades, etc., just put stick duster inside an old tight and then peel off tight (the cobwebs are then inside tight) and deposit into bin.

I'll leave you on this happy note - next time you ladder your tights, you won't feel quite so annoyed - you've not lost a tight, you've gained a useful friend!

Let’s see if we can find a pattern here: Look carefully at examples above. What are they communicating - concrete concepts or abstract ideas? Can you see difficulty translators had? The kanji for “dragon”, “samurai”, “love” or any other concrete ideas are pretty easy to discover. But go for anything with an idiomatic meaning and whoever is trying to help you translate it is going to get a major headache!

Just an idea, but how about this suggestion: Rather than trying to force a round English peg into a square Japanese hole, why not find a real Japanese phrase that you like and get that instead? Bushidou (the Way of Warrior) and Ninjutsu (The Art of Stealth) are two good examples of real Japanese terms that would make great tattoos.

4. Your name in Japanese

As I’m sure you remember from 2-minute Japanese boot camp, katakana are characters usually used to write foreign words and names. So, if you want to get a tattoo of your name, technically these would be characters you would choose. But I am guessing that, like most people, you want your name written in kanji.

Do a quick search on Google and you can find a number of sites that specialize in translating names into kanji. Basically there are two different methods that these sites use, so let’s look at them here.

Translating meaning

This method involves finding out original meaning of English name, and then researching kanji equivalent.

For example, my name has its origins in Greek and means “crowned one”. The one who is crowned is king, so I could translate my name into kanji for king and call myself ohsama. (Perhaps a little pretentious – and disturbingly similar to Mr. Bin Laden’s first name!)

Translating sound

This is a lot more difficult! Flick through a dictionary and you will find a bunch of kanji that can be combined to sound like your name. But sound isn’t everything: Remember that kanji have meaning as well. In fact, it is even more complex than this! Be sure to check each of following factors with anyone who translates your name like using this method:

1. Sound – Does it sound like your name or not? I have seen my name “translated” on certain websites to sound like Stefan. Shame my name (Stephen) is actually said same as Steven!

2. On-yomi and kun-yomi – Yes, more technical words! But don’t panic – they are easy to understand: Basically, kanji have two kinds of reading. One kind, on-yomi, is their original Chinese sound. The other, kun-yomi, is their Japanese-only sound. What to watch is that (like oil and water) on-yomi and kun-yomi don’t mix. Use either all on-yomi reading or all kun-yomi readings to make sound of your name.

3. Meaning – Do kanji have a good meaning together? Now, it can be very difficult to find kanji that sound right and have a good meaning, so you may need to compromise a little on one of these.

4. Masculine or feminine – I guess this is more like a sub-category of meaning, but it is something you need to check out to avoid embarrassment. For example, while “Asian Beauty” may be a great combination for a woman, I get feeling most men would not be too happy about having that permanently written into their skin!

5. If in doubt, check!

First, use your new-found knowledge of Japanese to ask a few difficult questions to your tattoo artist or kanji “specialist”. If you get feeling they don’t know what they are talking about, you probably want to look elsewhere.

Next, before you get anything permanent done, use an online dictionary (like one at http://kanjidict.stc.cx/dict) to check whether Japanese really means what you want it to. You may not be able to input Japanese yourself, but you can copy and paste characters from an email or web page and see what they mean.

Finally, if you are lucky enough to know any, ask a Japanese person what they think. Their confused expression may tell you that you have come up with another “big daddy”!

Follow this advice and you will avoid most dangerous pitfalls of Japanese tattoos and get a kanji tattoo you can be proud of.