In a similar way, if you touch someone in a specific way when they are feeling sad, for example, you squeeze their shoulder or put an arm around them at a funeral, touching them later in same way will reawaken those feelings of sadness. So be careful about what sorts of emotions you are associating to your touch, words or face.

How does this apply to gifts?

A gift is by its nature an anchor. Every time recipient looks at gift, they will remember occasion when they received it, especially if they experienced strong emotions at time.

So you can help guarantee that your gift will be a strong ongoing anchor if you make sure that you create a truly memorable experience – such as an extremely romantic evening - when you present gift.

A woman will always remember following a trail of rose petals in her lover’s apartment to find necklace he purchased for her birthday.

A man will always remember being presented with his own personal star by a lover dressed only in a star-patterned bra and g-string. It’s also important to consider opposite effect.

Never give a gift by way of apology. You don’t want to create negative anchors by giving gifts after an argument.

If you give your wife a diamond ring to apologize for fact that she caught you cheating with your secretary, ring will always remind her of your infidelity.

If you give your husband a new watch to apologize for crashing his BMW, he’ll remember your transgression every time he checks time.

Even if those memories don't make it to conscious awareness, they're lurking just under surface. It makes better sense to allow them to fade away, instead of attaching them to physical objects like gifts. Keep things simple. A genuine apology is all that’s required after an argument. Save gifts for positive occasions.

Rigidity (unable to adapt or take on board feedback and learn) Poor relationships (alienating others) Daniel Goleman, who has pioneered much of information about Emotional Intelligence, categorises EI into four main headings: Self-Awareness, Self- Management, Relationship Management and Social Awareness. These are then subdivided into a total of 18 competencies, with each competency containing a number of checklist criteria. For example competencies within Self-Awareness are Emotional self- awareness, Accurate self assessment and Self-confidence. The checklist criteria under Emotional self-awareness being:

- Are attuned to their inner signals - Recognise how their feelings affect them and their job performance - Are attuned to their guiding values - Can often intuit best course of action because in a complex situation, they see bigger picture - Tend to be candid and authentic, speaking openly about their emotions or with conviction about their guiding vision

An effective business leader will display strengths from at least one of each of sub categories.

So a good starting point is to become more self-aware. This will mean that we can manage our emotions more effectively, learn to communicate more authentically, take ownership of what we think and say, develop empathy and respect difference. The end result is that we feel more empowered and knock-on effect of that can only be positive.

======================================= About Perry Akasha Lonsdale ======================================= You can read more about Emotional Intelligence in Perry Akasha’s book “How to do life – powerful pointers for powerful living”. Packed with practical information, insights and ideas, numerous tips, easy to follow How To’s and Pause Points, this down to earth, reader friendly book is essential reading for anyone who wants to be more effective in their life and relationships.

======================================= Did You Ever Wish There Was An Instruction Book On How To Do Life? Well There is! Buy "How To Do Life" by Akasha Lonsdale at http://www.BookShaker.com =======================================

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