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Many persons try to succeed by using values, attitudes, expectations, and skills they chanced on in childhood. Unfortunately, in this age of relentless change, when power and authority are shared by more and more people, to depend on what you picked up as a youngster is a poor way to shape your life into a successful affair. In our conventional behavioral patterns many mistakes have been handed down from generation to generation. At home you were probably socialized not to ask embarrassing questions of your elders. At school you were expected to memorize correct answers. And if you are like most people, you are still waiting for someone to ask right questions so you can show what a good student you were. Unfortunately for your welfare, no one is ever going to ask them, since most of answers you learned in school are no longer appropriate. Yet -- millions of men and women who would never imagine crossing country by covered wagon instead of jet aircraft, who would never take some medicine man's snake-oil cure, try to succeed in life by using methods that were outdated a century ago. And then can’t understand why they aren't among successful achievers.
Today, men and women are having to cope with complex events that are affecting their lives in many crucial ways. Medicine, personal behavior, education, entertainment, sexual customs, engineering and business methods are all changing more rapidly than at any time in history. We no sooner get comfortable than life rolls over once again, forcing us to learn an entirely new set of attitudes, activities and relationships!
And yet, not one of changes sweeping over us like Pacific waves crashing onto a reef, has such critical implications when making one’s life count for something satisfying as attitudes that people now hold toward power and control.
The John Wayne or John Rambo mystique (Tell jerks what to do!) doesn't motivate competent persons any more. If it ever did! For example, since disasters caused by fighting wrong people, in wrong place, at wrong time -- during America’s shameful wars against poor, dark-skinned Third World nations such as Vietnam, Libya, Panama, Granada, Lebanon, Somalia and others, many perceptive women and men have lost faith in our institutions. We see Congress and state Legislatures consistently selling out to highest bidder, business organizations disposing of faithful employees who do their best work at drop of a point on Wall Street, criminal justice system with trigger-happy cops and politically ambitious district attorneys regularly convicting and legally murdering unfortunate, mostly poor, minority men who couldn’t possibly have committed crimes for which they are being executed. The very flexible morality of primitive politicians, greedy business executives, powerful governmental officials and existentially enraged citizens who feel execution of any minority man whether guilty or not is a good day’s work -- is a weak reed upon which to lean.
Every person with a smattering of intelligence realizes he or she is out there on bubble -- pretty much alone -- on his or her own, much of time. Few of us without support of government or great wealth have power needed to demand cooperation from others. Not long ago a middle-aged local realtor told me of an experience he had with his youthful secretary. Dan said that Dianne was a hardworking, high-spirited employee who was competent and loyal enough to become his administrative assistant. He said, she reminded him of flippant young secretary in T V series THE PRACTICE. But he began to notice, to his middle age displeasure, that she was dressing more and more casually, as if she were going to a picnic rather than to a business operation. So, he called her into his office and tactfully asked her to dress according to his code -- long accepted business code set by such giants as I B M, General Motors and Honeywell. The young woman sat silently as he spoke, but when he finished, she stood up and said quite pointedly;
Who needs this crap in an informal business such as this?
Then she walked out of his office, returned to her desk, and continued to work harder and smarter for his small company than any assistant he had ever employed. As he related story, Dan sighed deeply and said there was little he could do about her impertinence, unless he wanted to cut off his nose to spite his face. He could protect his ego against an outspoken girl -- could fire her of course, and really teach her a lesson, forcing her to take unemployment pay, a month or two of subsidized vacation, and get a job with a company that would not be so stuffy about way she dressed. But, he would be real loser. He would spend a month trying to find a suitable replacement, another three or four months trying to help newcomer learn job, and another six months blaming himself for letting his ego cost him a year's efficiency in his office. He kept his mouth shut and retained a great assistant -- for he lacked power to make her comply with his requirements. Indeed life does go on and we must adapt, must cope with reality in order to succeed, even if doing so makes us suspect that world is going to hell in a handcart, because humans hate change inordinately and yearn to freeze life as it was when we were learning it. Even when doing so costs us a bundle. Many people do just that because personal prestige is more important to themselves than performance or profits, but it quickly leads to dysfunctional families, schools, companies, churches and communities.
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Jard DeVille; Psyc. Dept. Chair at Westminster College; leadership psychology at the University of Arizona at Tucson; published psychology books, seminars and psychological assessment instruments. NICE GUYS FINISH FIRST was a best seller. He’s considered by many to be America’s foremost leadership scholar. Visit http://www.fulfillmentforum.com for FREE EBooks & EBiz Tools.