The other day I heard a very low EQ guy yell, “It doesn’t help to be nice.” He was furious because someone had thwarted him, and hadn’t done what he wanted.

Sometimes it doesn’t help to be nice, I thought to myself, but it doesn’t hurt, either. What if you were nice and didn’t get what you wanted? At least you would still have been nice. The difference would be all to yourself, person that matters. It makes a difference in how well you sleep at night, I think.

If you operate under premise that only way you’ll get what you want is to be nasty, I imagine you’ll get even less of what you want, and you’ll also feel a lot worse, since nastiness is its own punishment, just as niceness is its own reward.

What if you believe that you can’t forgive someone unless they come to you on bended knee? Forgiveness is one of those things that’s also it’s own reward. When you forgive, it’s your self and your sanity that you’re saving. The event or incident remains same, and can’t really be taken back. If you continue to relive it, letting it fester, you eat yourself up with little effect on perpetrator. The most important injustices in life, no one could apologize for anyway. You’d have to ask life itself to apologize to you, and that isn’t possible. It’s comforting to believe someone’s at fault, but sometimes things just happen, that aren’t really under control of anyone.

I think of my friend whose child suffered brain damage from an operation. She went so far as to file a lawsuit, and all investigation proved doctors and surgeon had exercised best judgment, and done what was standard care under circumstances. My friend is still convinced someone should be held responsible for this. She suffers terribly, not only because her child suffered damage, but because of her beliefs about why it happened.

Both Cammie and Thomas had to give up believing that everything they’d learned from their parents was operable. Part of growing in Emotional Intelligence is taking back your Personal Power. Also being flexible about “always” and “never”, because tricky part is that some of messages they got work quite well. Thomas’ mother also taught him many good and useful things, and Cammie’s father gave her some good guidance about self-discipline that has stood her in good stead.

One way you can come to grips about changing beliefs that don’t work, is to work on your intuition, which is another part of Emotional Intelligence. When you hone your intuition, you can see more clearly how you’re affecting other people and therefore, whether it’s getting in your way or not. Some held beliefs can be downright self-sabotaging. “No one would hire someone my age,” is one of them.

Coaching can help because you can test out your beliefs against reality of someone with experience, but of course you have to be willing to take them out and look at them in first place, which requires, in itself, a level of self-awareness, which is tenet of Emotional Intelligence. Without it, there can be no Emotional Intelligence.

If you haven’t taken time to become introspective enough to be self-aware, maybe now’s a good time!

If something’s hanging you up, it could well be your Emotional Intelligence, and good news is that it can be learned. It’s a set of life skills that can be taught. Most people take to it immediately, recognizing it as “the missing piece.” It usually brings relief, as you begin to figure things out, and excitement, as changes in your life are immediate and rewarding.

When you keep getting stuck and state your belief, ask yourself how that belief has been working for you. One belief you might entertain is that when YOU change, your life changes.

Thus, it takes ideas of creative visualization one step further. It takes a picture from inside your head, a “thought” and creates a statement about this thought in a “word” or verbal format.

Take some time to affirm what is in your heart. What do you wish for? Choose an affirming statement to focus on and place your attention on it:

I AM ABUNDANT! I AM LOVED!

Applying An Affirmation So how to make laws of affirmation work in your life? Let’s focus for a moment on “word” aspect of this "thought, word and action" process.

The words “I am” are a very powerful tool. These words, once again, exceed ego. “I AM” tells universe to put wheels of energy in motion. It tells universe you are ready to receive your prayer.

Already you can see importance of this process. I AM Beautiful!

If I write this on an index card and place it in my pocket, write it several times in my notebook, say it out loud to myself: What happens? I manifest beauty! I feel beautiful.

Waiting The Results In Peace Once you have affirmed and written you intentions and spoken them, “action” needs to come from you. Think: If I already had thing I wished for, what would I do?

For example: if I am beautiful – I need to ask myself: Am I wearing beautiful clothing? Is my make-up on? Am I honoring my body with exercise and nutrition? And if not: I need to take a long look at how I am treating myself – If I wasn't feeling beautiful before, perhaps treating myself better is what I need to heal.

Take a moment today to focus on what you need to heal. Then apply Thought – Word – Action process. I think you will find it to be a powerful tool.

For more information on beauty of affirmations please check out Louise Hay’s Power Thought Cards: www.hayhouse.com

Also highly recommended is Dr. Wayne W. Dyers book “There’s a Spiritual Solution To Every Problem.” A great read.

Remember: Affirm, take action and “wait results in peace.” Continue to remain open to receive and I think you will find that that your blessings will far exceed your expectations.