Let The Kissing Begin

Written by David Leonhardt

Continued from page 1

Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of delicious ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.

Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure.

You can kiss just about everyone: your boyfriend, your aunt, your wife, your veterinarian,repparttar Prime Minister ofrepparttar 118186 Duchy of Grand Fenwick and your pet aardvark. Don't try kissing them all atrepparttar 118187 same time, though...especially not your boyfriend and your wife.

Kissing meetsrepparttar 118188 toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous safety record, except forrepparttar 118189 occasional locked braces. But a quick call for a AAA tow truck fixes that problem (CAA in Canada, AA inrepparttar 118190 UK,repparttar 118191 local plumber in France)

The only recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers and other spectators who somehow get past security and storm ontorepparttar 118192 playing field.

There are a few kisses we recommend you avoid. These are often referred to as "extreme kissing". Don't kiss an on-duty sumo wrestler; it is considered dangerous. Don't kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don't kiss any electrical outlets. Don't kissrepparttar 118193 vacuum cleaner if you want to retain all your vital organs. It's OK to kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss a chainsaw; we feel this one is self-explanatory. And don't kiss your office manager while on duty...unless you happen to be a work-from-home hermit like me.

But overall, kissing is so great that it makes baseball, hockey, football and soccer seem like bush league sports. Next time you hear a brawl at your local barbershop, just go in and give everyone a kiss. I guarantee that you will winrepparttar 118194 argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with.

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column: http://www.thehappyguy.com/positive-thinking-free-ezine.html And A Daily Dose of Happiness: http://www.thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html Read more humor columns at: http://www.thehappyguy.com/humor-articles.html As well as owner of the Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

Osama and Saddam

Written by Rocky Ramsey

Continued from page 1

"I hate to ask you, but I've got a plan to attackrepparttar Great Satan America, and I need a million dollars."

"A million dollars? Is that all? Pocket change. I can get you a couple of million and I'm sure there are others inrepparttar 118185 Middle East that would kick in something."

"Good. Good."

"I can send you a truck full of cash a week from Thursday. By repparttar 118186 way, I've got a question for you. You've evadedrepparttar 118187 Americans since you attackedrepparttar 118188 USS Cole. Do you have any suggestions on how I can hide from them if they invade?"

"Have you considered living in a hole inrepparttar 118189 ground? It's worked pretty well for me."

"I don't know. I've been living in palaces for a while. Living in a hole inrepparttar 118190 ground doesn't sound like much fun."

"What are you whining about? Try dragging a dialysis machine around from cave to cave while evadingrepparttar 118191 Americans, then you should complain."

Rocky Ramsey publishes Movies, Money and More - Movie reviews, entertainment, humor, money, contests, sweepstakes, freebies, and more http://www.MoviesMoneyandMore.com

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