Continued from page 1
For example, if you have perfectionist tendencies you may be unforgiving towards yourself or others when mistakes are made. Or, if I violate a value I espouse such as fairness, integrity, or equality, I may judge myself harshly, as well as those whom I also perceive, rightly or wrongly, to violate that value.
Likewise, when we see certain behaviors that we attribute to characteristics or values we view as negative, it's a good bet that we'll have difficulty being empathic.
I had a client who, when she saw others seeking to acquire things for themselves, labeled – and rejected – that behavior as "selfish" and "greedy." Yet, on further inquiry, it turned out that she rejected her own "greediness", which was actually a desire to be more assertive in getting her needs and desires met. Thus, her judgment grew out of a belief acquired in childhood, that attempting to get her needs met was selfish and greedy.
What's value in paying attention to your personal empathy quotient?
1. When you are un-empathic and judgmental toward those things that consciously cause you trouble, it's difficult to look at them and work with them. With empathy, you can do just that, allowing yourself to develop greater self-efficacy and competence in those areas.
2. Becoming aware of your unconscious shadow self or blind spots gives you access to motivations, needs, and desires that may actually be a source of untapped power for you.
Remember my client who rejected "greediness"? When she reclaimed her own "greediness", she was able to act more fully on her own behalf, achieve greater competence and authority in creating what she wanted and needed, thus enhancing her sense of personal power.
Would you benefit from being less hard on yourself? If so, ask yourself what judgments you make about yourself that might be limiting your effectiveness or your desired results? Then, practice releasing judgment. Creating loving spaciousness in your self will certainly allow something new to emerge!
(c) Copyright 2003. Manya Arond-Thomas, all rights reserved.
Manya Arond-Thomas, M.D., is the founder of Manya Arond-Thomas & Company, a coaching and consulting firm that catalyzes the creation of “right results” through facilitating executive development, high-performance teams and organizational effectiveness. She can be reached at (734) 480-1932 or e-mailed at manya@arond-thomas.com. Subscribe to Emotional Intelligence at Work mailto:manya_list@aweber.com