We don’t like surprises. We don’t like confrontations. We don’t like criticism. Probably most of all we don’t like “the truth” when it promises to be about us. We have our histories, you know. I mean, did anyone ever say, “May I be totally frank with you?” and then say, “You are most gorgeous woman/excellent manager I’ve ever known.” I think not.

In point of fact, when someone says to me “May I be honest with you?” I reply, “No.” One always has that right. I’m not walking into blade of a fan voluntarily.

We use these phrases to prepare ourselves for what’s coming. But when we do, we shoot ourselves in foot, because nothing more will be heard. It’s like saying, “Stop listening.” Why lead with something that sets that up?

If you have bad news to deliver, have a heart. Have character. Do it right.

As John Powell put it, “The genius of communication is ability to be both totally honest and totally kind at same time.”

Do you know two people who can do that? Do you know even one? Could you remember to do it yourself?

The ball had hit him, on fly, just above temple. Fortunately, he only received a small gash and a bump on his head. He insisted we finish round and, to our great relief, seemed okay.

Later, toward end of round something happened that I found amusing and significant. Robert hit his drive, ball struck a tree and then ricocheted into fairway.

“Must be my lucky day,” he said.

I couldn’t help thinking, “I sure hope a lucky day for me never includes getting whacked in head with a golf ball.” He’d already put event out of his mind, however, and gotten on with his day. His is a perspective worth adopting and illustrates how attitude can make all difference. Events and circumstances, by how we react to them, become a big deal or no big deal at all. The mind determines which, and produces happiness or stress.

BARBER-OSOPHY: If you don’t believe every day is a lucky day, just try missing one.

Copyright 2004, Sumerlin Enterprises.

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