The ball had hit him, on fly, just above temple. Fortunately, he only received a small gash and a bump on his head. He insisted we finish round and, to our great relief, seemed okay.

Later, toward end of round something happened that I found amusing and significant. Robert hit his drive, ball struck a tree and then ricocheted into fairway.

“Must be my lucky day,” he said.

I couldn’t help thinking, “I sure hope a lucky day for me never includes getting whacked in head with a golf ball.” He’d already put event out of his mind, however, and gotten on with his day. His is a perspective worth adopting and illustrates how attitude can make all difference. Events and circumstances, by how we react to them, become a big deal or no big deal at all. The mind determines which, and produces happiness or stress.

BARBER-OSOPHY: If you don’t believe every day is a lucky day, just try missing one.

Copyright 2004, Sumerlin Enterprises.

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Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others – quite opposite of judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to outcome of things and trying to control outcome regarding events and others’ behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

When intent shifts out of controlling and not being controlled to becoming loving to ourselves and others, heart opens and joy is result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are natural result of operating out of spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.