Written by Theolonius McTavish

Continued from page 1

So, after forty days of paripatectic pondering inrepparttar seclusion ofrepparttar 118146 "Hundred Acre Wood", (including 960 hours of going around in little circles, and 39 nights of counting sheep), they came up with a ground-breaking, politically-incorrect 'man-power' strategy (affectionately known as "PLAN-B").

Althoughrepparttar 118147 stupendous plan was woefully short on details, at leastrepparttar 118148 election of an awe-inspiring 'Grand Pooh-Bah of Everything Important inrepparttar 118149 Universe' was hailed as a neat way to boostrepparttar 118150 flagging morale ofrepparttar 118151 lads. On second thought, it might also have had something to do with givingrepparttar 118152 bureaucrats plenty of time to sharpen their pencils, or just an excuse to haggle overrepparttar 118153 best bang-for-the-buck on how to saverepparttar 118154 world fromrepparttar 118155 scourge of wimps and wusses.

Ifrepparttar 118156 devil is inrepparttar 118157 details, then they surely must have been lost forever inrepparttar 118158 small print of all this blessed bumpf. And for those who missed out onrepparttar 118159 "Grand Thoughts About Nothing Summit of Great Minds", there's still time to sign up for courses like "Where to Findrepparttar 118160 Best Haycorns", "Useful Pots to Keep Things In", and "Knowledge Management for Bears of Very Little Brain".

After all, who in their right mind could refuse a mispelled engraved invitation to a seminar on "Hunny-Making Tips", a CD sampler of "Popular Hip-Hop Hums" not to mention a "smackeral of something" around 11 o'clock, plus a client feedback form covered with those ubiquitous smiley faces, and an autographed personal copy of "PLAN-B"?

No doubt prozac-popping Poohs, materialistically-challenged Rabbits, anxiety-disordered Piglets, donky-depressive Eeyores, hyper-active Tiggers, brilliant but dyslexic Owls, single-parenting Kangas with at-risk Roos and detached-personality Christopher Robins will find these amusing activities just a tad taxing on their simple cerebellums.

Byrepparttar 118161 way, play-with-your-food fanatics, petting zoo herbivores, and wee wabbit workers should definitely consider a career change. According to PLAN B, "Our mighty man-power strategy guarantees a marvellous, bright, new future for MANkind, especially those who pursue a challenging eco-adventure career inrepparttar 118162 emerging field of heffalump and woozle hunting." ...Oh won’t that be fun tiddley pom! ...Another gold star tiddley pom. ...Ho hum tiddley pom.

LESSON FROM HUNDRED ACRE WOOD: If one whistles long enough while digging a Deep Pit to trap a heffalump or one wanders aimlessly inrepparttar 118163 wilderness with a pot of honey to catch a woozle, one's definition of these elusive critters will vary withrepparttar 118164 weather, one's appetite, andrepparttar 118165 volatility ofrepparttar 118166 Animal Kingdom Happiness Index (AKHI).

Theolonius McTavish, itinerant scribe in the palace of the esteemed "Quipping Queen" (www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com), and one whose eclectic interests include how to build "The Good Ship Lollipop", biodegradable hexagons, and "Sleep Country" mattresses


Written by Victoria Elizabeth

Continued from page 1

But hold on now -- there’s something missing. After all, what would Halloween be without a little “scream cuisine”?

After checking outrepparttar 1,940 websites devoted to goblin gourmet and other ghoulish goodies, there are oodles of things to whetrepparttar 118145 whistle and appetite ofrepparttar 118146 hobgoblins and ghosts in your neighborhood.

Main Course:

-- Cervelle de Canut (Silkweaver’s Brain – an herbed cheese from Lyon, France) -- Cheesy Apple Fangs -- Cheese & Olive Fingers -- Crispy Bat’s Wings with Mushy Green Mash -- Goosebump Gravy -- Ghoulish Gruel -- Halloween Vegetarian Chili -- Spider Web Party Dip -- The Devil’s Salsa & Tortilla Spikes


-- Black Widow Fizz -- Bloody Marys -- Blue Witches’ Brew (...ha-ha) -- Cranberry Blood-Curdling Brew -- Pina Ghoulada


-- Banana Ghouls -- Black Cat Cupcakes -- Ghoulish Petites Fours (courtesy of Martha Stewart) -- Ghoulish Gooey Bars -- Langues de chat (Cat’s Tongues – a French Sugar Cookie) -- Orange Ooze Cupcakes -- Spooky Spider Cake

However, should a wisecracking whippet like George Bush Sr. kick up a fuss at your Halloween Feast Table by stamping his feet and shouting, “I’m President ofrepparttar 118147 United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli!” …fear not.

Gently remindrepparttar 118148 offending soul about Hannibal Lecter’s fondness for food and unpalatable friends, “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti”, (fromrepparttar 118149 1991 film, "The Silence ofrepparttar 118150 Lambs").

Nowrepparttar 118151 real question is … who knows what delicious delights wait to be devoured and by whom at your Halloween party!

Oh, andrepparttar 118152 thought of eating frogs eyes, and pickled pigs toes doesn't grab you...why not visit Victoria and enjoyrepparttar 118153 "Ghosts of Victoria Festival" -- a great way to kick back with lots of other weird and wonderful folk like you!

Victoria Elizabeth, is a saucy scribe who muses about Life, the Universe and Everything In-Between through the pages of "The Quipping Queen" (http://www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com)

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