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However, I’ve thought of this communication many times as I’ve given people instructions in how to do things and tried to get inside their head to figure out how best to convey
information. It’s come in very handy. If person doesn’t get an “ah hah” at moment, they tell you about it when they get back, and they are grateful, as I was.
Here are some examples that direct you to manage feelings, think it through, and respond, not react.
1.When someone says in a negotiation, “Your fees are way out of line,” resist all urges to get defensive.
2. When you’re telling a teenager something they need to do, resist all urges to get drawn into arguments over premises.
3.When you’re “hijacked” (flooded with anger) resist all urges to say first thing that comes into your mind. Stop and count to ten or take a timeout and come back to it.
4. When you’re giving an event and it starts to unravel at end, resist all urges to give up.
5.Whenever you’re trying to solve a problem, resist all urges to think black and white. Most of time there is more than one possible solution.
6.If you see devil with a blue dress on … j.k.
These suggestions point listener toward things likely to occur, in some cases almost certain to occur, and alerts them to feelings they should note but hold at bay in order to allow for correct action, sound judgment and wise decisions.
To put icing on cake, you can go on to “And if” portion of instructions. In first example, if I missed turn, nothing happened except I’d get lost.
Another day I was heading into what’s called The Loop, major business district of Chicago, where he worked. Chicago has great public transportation and most people take elevated train into City (the “el”). I would catch el just two blocks from our house and take it to Loop. “Then,” he said, “leave station and turn right. If you turn left you will be in Skid Row and you don’t want to be there.”
“What’s that?” I asked, instantly curious.
He was not referring to band. What he was referring to was largely removed in Chicago with urban renewal, but USC site defines Los Angeles’ Skid Row as “an extensive cluster of missions, shelters, drop-ins and Single Room Occupancy (SRO) hotels, largest service-dependent ghetto in nation.”
My father described it somewhat differently, and did not fail to make an impression on me.
I turned right.
This is akin to those helpful people who tell you in giving driving directions, “And if you get to a Jack-in-the-Box, you’ve gone too far.”
It’s always good communication to anticipate some of these things.
©Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching, distance learning and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine. For daily EQ Tips, send blank email to EQ4U-subscribe@yahoogroups.com . For EQ coach training and certification, go here: http://www.eqcoach.net .
