Intuition? Your instincts in such an interchange should be shouting at you – THIS IS NOT GOOD. How your intuition talks to you is a personal thing. You may get a sinking feeling where you just “know” person can’t be approached at a human level and means ill. The hair could stand up on back of your neck. Your palms could sweat. You could get a chill or weak knees – fear, in any of its manifestations. There’s nothing wimpy about this. A person who truly means ill to others, and in fact delights in serving it out, should raise such a reaction in you, and it should be heeded. That’s what our gut instincts are for: to keep us safe.

This gives you tools for quick reality-testing. The physiological responses you get from your body help you to test reality. If meeting had gone well, you would get equivalent of a warm feeling in your tummy. Again, this isn’t a wussy thing. You should have a feeling of satisfaction and hope, with accompanying physiological manifestations. A letting up of tension. A relief. You might even end up laughing with women (or man), as you both let off steam, agree it went poorly, and decide to move forward.

The person who slips into bad behavior under stress, but shows some insight into their behavior, and concern for others, could benefit from coaching. They may be depressed, overwhelmed, or simply not have had opportunity to learn EQ skills, or to understand how their behavior effects others. They may also have moved into a position where they no longer get kind of feedback that helps us all adjust our behavior to mature levels, and stay honest.

The person who shows no remorse and no insight, is not coachable, and they are not “fixable” by you.

If you get message (from your gut feelings) you’re dealing with a person who doesn’t care, PAY ATTENTION. Then it’s time to protect yourself, and do what you can not to raise narcissistic rage again, while you make plans to get yourself somewhere else. It can be a long-term stressful thing while you remain, but you can learn ways to tolerate it better, and also to decrease chances of it falling on you again.

“Turning other cheek” will not work with a narcissistic personality. What you will get is a bigger slap on other cheek.

Don’t let your empathy interfere with your common sense. You may sense misery of other person, sagging ego, or desperate need to control, but don’t let this understanding of their motives over-ride fact that person is dishing out abuse. Whatever traumatic events in their past brought on this personality type, it is no excuse for bad behavior, and no reason to justify taking abuse, so don’t rationalize it. This is a good EQ example, because in this case you need to get out of thinking brain (rationalizing) and back to emotional brains (instincts) for reality-testing.

People do get promoted who shouldn’t be. Get blinders off and use your EQ. It could save your career, not to mention your health.

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