July 14 – JAW-BONING & JAY-WALKING DAY (Time to recognize vital role played by influence peddlers and crazy cross-walkers in lives of dull and boring).

July 15 – JOB’S COMFORTER AWARENESS DAY (There’s one in every crowd who discourages or depresses while seemingly giving comfort and consolation – give them a wailing towel, a big fat sucker, and send them back where they came from fast!)

July 16 – JOSHING & BANTERING DAY (Good-natured teasing, idle-talk, and twiddling thumbs burn calories and brings bliss, what more do you want from life?)

July 17 – JUMPER, JUMP-SUIT & JOHNNY FASHION DAY (Time to honor clothes designed for folks with no curves, no class and no clever jokes to get a laugh!)

July 18 – NATIONAL PUT-YOUR-JOHN-HENRY-HERE DAY (Finally a day to finger all those folks who scribble signatures on documents that none of us can read!)

July 19 – JANGLED NERVES & JIGSAW PUZZLE DAY (A time to honor little lost puzzle pieces and those frazzled folks who call this leisure activity – stress-busting!)

July 20 – JODHPUR APPRECIATION DAY (A form-fitting pair of leggings with a full cut through hips that every well-dressed closet elephant-lover should wear!)

July 21 – JOLLY ROGER RECOGNITION DAY (Pirates are pleased that basic black is back, while patriotic flag-waving folk adore classic look of skulls and cross-bones to impress their friends & allies!)

July 22 – JOHNNY-COME-LATELY DAY (If you’re always late for a very important date …and your name’s not “Mad Hatter”… this day is made for you!)

July 23 – JITTERBUG APPRECIATION DAY (So you have two left feet, and you can’t find right groove let alone wrong one…but who says you can’t jive, jump and down, or jiggle your booty like Big Bopper or Loony Crooner?)

July 24 – JETSAM & FLOTSAM APPRECIATION DAY (Time to toss a few things overboard in sea of life before you take that all-expense paid trip on Titanic!)

July 25 – JIGGING, JOGGING, & JUGGLING DAY (A way to honor those who like tap dancing on head of a pin, running a mile in someone else’s shoes, or deftly tossing objects in air with not a hope in hell of catching them without aid of an iron fist in a velvet glove, a spanking new magic wand and Wizard of Id presiding over this ridiculous spectacle).

July 26 – JALOPENA PEPPER AWARENESS DAY (If devil is in details, then Beelzebub probably eats Tabasco sauce for main course and hot peppers for dessert! So if you want to be a big bouncer or a big bazooka movie star – eat plenty of those suckers!)

July 27 – JUMP IN THE JACUZZI DAY (To gain a new perspective on life, toss your knickers, drop your drawers and enjoy a bubble bath with your friends or neighbors).

July 28 – INTERNATIONAL JARGON APPRECIATION DAY (In recognition of people who love sound of their own voices and enjoy spitting out some very strange words that baffle or boggle mind of those who have to wade through all their bleeping bumpf!)

July 29 – JOVIAL JINGOISM DAY (Time to write a catchy, hilarious but short patriotic jingle to rally freedom-loving world against evils of consuming Neapolitan ice-cream with a rosy red, sticky maraschino cherry on top!)

July 30 – JACK-IN-THE-BOX & JUMPING JACK DAY (A day honoring all those who spend an inordinate amount of time, money, and other resources trying to stuff “Jack-be-nimble-Jack-be-quick” or just a bunch of jack-ass types back into wrong frigging box ...but never tell that to a manager…these Big Blessed Birds are paid to pigeon hole everyone!)

July 31 – JOWL APPRECIATION DAY (This is joy-filled festive occasion features fondling of a dewlap, wattle or pendulous part of a double chin belonging to an intimate friend or close companion - just to let them know how much their wiggly whatsit means to you).

I feel extreme need to insert a time cliche here. This cliche makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and probably has pagan, barbaric origins, but I think it summarizes what we've learned thus far in our discussion. So here goes our first time cliche 'A stitch in time saves nine'. And now back to show.

There have been numerous different kinds of clocks throughout history. Many of them made absolutely no sense whatsoever. A good example of this is ancient Egyptian water clock, which was basically just a bowl with a hole in bottom of it. There were markings on inside of bowl that measured passage of 'hours' as water level reached them. One of obvious problems with this clock was fact that whenever working-class Egyptians wanted to get off work early they would keep taking little sips of water from bowl/clock throughout day. This was one of reasons it took so long to finish Pyramids.That and lack of power tools.

Time doesn't permit us to talk about other types of ancient clocks like obelisks, sundials, and hemicycles. And there definitely isn't time to go into merkhets.

Speaking of merkhets, a close cousin of clock is watch. The watch is time-telling device that most of us use today. We do not however, use it to tell time. We use it to do numerous other tasks that watch manufacturers have incorporated into watches like instant messaging, reading email, and fast forwarding DVD player. There's even a new watch on market that comes equip with a radiation detector. And you laughed at Eyptians for drinking from their time-telling devices.

Obviously, time is not something that can be explained in just one lesson. There's a ton of more interesting stuff we could go into about time but, frankly, I don't feel like taking time to look it up right now. I believe I've achieved my goal of using as many time cliches as I possibly could in one article and now, I think it's time to call an extended timeout on this whole time subject. I'm sure when I do write follow-up to this article that it will be just in nick of time. Probably sometime around Wayeb 1st.