When you love you give gifts of empathy and benefit of doubt. You understand that your partner is probably feeling hurt beneath anger. You try to understand and ask for help in understanding because you want to make it better.

When you are loved you receive gifts of empathy and benefit of doubt. You feel understood and appreciate empathy and efforts of your partner.

The more you are given, more you receive. The more you receive, more you want to give.

It becomes a lot easier than win thing.

copyright Maggie Vlazny, MSW 2005

About the Author Maggie is an Imago Relationship Therapist and RCI Singles Coach. Services offered by phone, online, or in person at her Fairfield County, CT office. For more information please see www.therapyct.com or contact maggie@therapyct.com

Better would be: Honey, I feel so insecure when I see those gorgeous models on tv. Do you still want me like you used to? I guarantee you'll both get what you want with this straitforward approach!

Example of male mindreading: The man gets into bed and, figuring bed is a mating mat even though he's been advised hundreds of time to contrary, mindreads that she really wants him tonight and is just too shy to come right out and say it (see above). He jumps her bones and either gets shoved off or she plays dead through whole thing (admit it, women: for spite).

Better: subtle communication works best here. Offer a back rub, or a foot rub, and very slowly work your way to desired destination. Give her some time to enjoy relaxation and get in mood. Minimal communication would be: does that feel good? Telling her why you love her or her specific physical attributes communicates that you still think she's hot. Don't expect her to mindread how sexy you think she is. We never get tired of hearing it.