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Tell them how they will benefit from doing business with you; what they can expect and when to expect it. Tell them that they will make loads of money from your advice, not that you need just one more customer to win a new Kia.
Here's a second tip to help you remember
first tip: start a marketing letter with
word 'You". For example, "You will be amazed at
results when you use..." or "You can help your customers and make a few bucks in
process! Here's how..."
Back to
bad letter...
first sentence completely turned me off. The first sentence! "I just wanted to give you an update on what's going on in my life." I don't mean to be cold or cynical, but who cares? Send me a marketing letter that's about me, not about you! Tell me that I'm going to make money, lose weight, or be better looking... not what's going on in your life. (I did know this person but only casually, as we had taken a class together two years ago.)
He goes on to explain what he's doing and then he says, "I believe that you, as a friend of mine, may be in a position to help me." Why would I want to do that? It shouldn't be about him, it should be about me (the reader)!
To paraphrase Dennis Miller, "I didn't mean to get off on a rant...", but you can learn plenty from a good example of a bad letter, and then you can avoid making similar mistakes.
And that IS about you.

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