You were hoping that two of you could have an intimate holiday together, for once, but your partner just told you that he already committed to having two of you spend it with his family. Your thinking is that you will hate this but it’s done now so why fight about it? The problem is that holidays will come up every year, and if you don’t say something about it you’ll be annoyed every year. It’s better to say something like “I'll try to have a good time, but next year, let’s talk about our holiday plans together before committing.”

"Nothing's wrong."

You're in a rotten mood, but it's not about your partner and don't feel like going into it until you have sorted out details.

This kind of lie can turn something small into a great big deal because your mate will wonder what is so wrong that you can't share it with him. It’s better to say "I'm upset, but it has nothing to do with you -- and I don't feel like talking about it right now."

"Thanks for surprise! I love these earrings!"

He was in a store, they caught his eye, and he had them wrapped up to go. The earrings aren't really your style, but you appreciate his thoughtfulness, and being critical about those earrings may stop him from trying to do spontaneous things to please you. It’s probably better to tell truth about your taste if you suspect that he spent a lot of money for them.

"You're best lover I've ever had."

You're next to him, sweaty, panting and post-orgasmic.

Sure, you're exaggerating a bit, but you're feeling euphoric. This lie won’t hurt because it’s a compliment that will make him feel good.

"Susan says hello."

Your friend hates your mate, who wants to know who you’ve been speaking with on phone. You don’t want to hurt his feelings, and so this is a good lie because it’s kinder than truth.

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2) Encourage participation in those desires in a physical way now (right now) if possible. Writing poetry or a mini-novel—even a script for a tv show, drawing, picking up and instrument and trying it, shooting photographs, making a video, painting and decorating his bedroom, sending a letter to President of United States, etc.

3) Ground child in reality of situation & current needs. When she has to do something RIGHT now, calmly and detached state in few words what needs to take place. Also validate her desires by adding “it would be nice to do that someday”. You may even want to converse further about that impulsive desire—again: listen and learn, while helping her attend to responsibilities of situation at hand.

4) Meet some of desire while lowering intensity for her. If he just has to go to a professional ball game (now!), try going through his card collection to see which players and positions he is most interested in. OR get on computer and begin a card collection for him—let him help pick out cards and teams. Have someone in family take 20-60 minutes out to play that sport with him now. After energy has been released, maybe go to blockbuster and get a video where that sport is theme.

The process to help a child deal with STRONG impulses is time consuming. Two points of reality are:

a) There really isn’t any way around time consumption. Whether we deal with desires head on or waste time arguing and trying to shift our children to something else “more reasonable”, time expended will be relatively equal.

b) We are giving them life long skills that may save them years of frustration: by taking time to encourage our children to think creatively, stay with a theme of desire while channeling it reasonably. And this is one of our heart’s desires  .

Until next time—all best, Kate