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The kind of person you will pick will be totally different when a loving adult is choosing than when your wounded self is choosing. The people we pick have a similar level of woundedness and a similar level of emotional health. Obviously, more you have done your inner work to connect with Divine Love and bring that love within to take loving care of yourself, more you will be attracted to someone also does this.
When you pick from your wounded self, you will pick someone whom you believe wants job of filling you up. The problem is that other person may be attempting to fill you up in hopes that you will also fill up him or her. Two people who each want to get love rather than share love will eventually find themselves very disappointed with each other. They will each blame other for not loving them in way they want to be loved. When relationships break up, it is often because one or both partners are not taking responsibility for their own feelings and self-worth and are blaming other for their resulting unhappiness.
If you are so attached to someone that you feel you can’t live without that person, try learning to give to yourself and others what it is you want from this person. Your job is to become person to yourself that you want other person to be. Then you will be able to be “in love” rather than “in need.” You will be able to love another person for who he or she is rather than for what this person can do for you. Instead of needing to get love, you can give love from heart for joy of it and feel filled in giving.
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Phone Sessions Available.