#8 - Avoid distractions. Keep focused on speaker. By looking off in other directions or not maintaining good eye contact is a non-verbal communication signal that you really aren’t interested. If you are truly not interested in conversation, politely stop conversation, shake their hand and leave.

#9 - Don’t anticipate what is going to be said and try to finish their sentence. Listen to whole sentence and clarify if necessary. Listen to their needs and concerns and leave your comments out of conversation. Many offenders can’t wait for speaker to stop so they can talk about themselves.

#10 - If emotionally charged words or phrases are used, don’t start an argument. People are either not sensitive to their comments or they are ignorant. If offended by their comments, calmly state your view. If they retract their statement or apologize for offending you then continue conversation, otherwise stop conversation immediately.

# 11 - Listen to tone and interpret speaker’s voice implications. Is speaker upset? Depressed? Happy? Be compassionate to their need for you to listen. # 13 - Use good body language when listening. Keep a nice arm’s length speaking distance, arms can either be by your side or held at your waist ( not crossed)

A good conversation is when you know as much about speaker as they know about you. Taking turns to listen and speak. Asking open- ended questions to stimulate a good dialogue. This is how customer loyalty is built and friendships develop.

The third lesson is that international financial institutions can be of some help – when not driven by political or geopolitical considerations and when not married to a dogma. Unfortunately, these are rare cases. Most IFIs – notably IMF and, to a lesser extent, World Bank – are both politicized and doctrinaire. It is only lately and following recent mega-crisis in Asia, that IFIs began to “reinvent” themselves, their doctrines and their recipes. This added conceptual and theoretical flexibility led to better results. It is always better to tailor a solution to needs of client. Perhaps this should be biggest evolutionary step:

That IFIs will cease to regard countries and governments within their remit as inefficient and corrupt beggars, in constant need of financial infusions. Rather they should regard these countries as CLIENTS, customers in need of service. After all, this, exactly, is essence of free market – and it is from IFIs that such countries should learn ways of free market.

In broad outline, there are two types of emerging solutions. One type is market oriented – and other, interventionist. The first type calls for free markets, specially designed financial instruments (see example of Brady bonds) and a global “laissez faire” environment to solve issue of financial crises. The second approach regards free markets as SOURCE of problem, rather than its solution. It calls for domestic and where necessary international intervention and assistance in resolving financial crises.

Both approaches have their merits and both should be applied in varying combinations on a case by case basis.

Indeed, this is greatest lesson of all:

There are NO magic bullets, final solutions, right ways and only recipes. This is a a trial and error process and in war one should not limit one’s arsenal. Let us employ all weapons at our disposal to achieve best results for everyone involved.

Sam Vaknin is the author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He is a columnist for Central Europe Review, United Press International (UPI) and eBookWeb and the editor of mental health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.

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