SD: So where do you start?

Mark: Spend some time and get to know their world a little bit. Do something with them, or do nothing. One thing I recommend is leaving notes to your kids. Make your home a sacred place, a place where special things happen. Get involved in setting table and having a nice family dinner. Leave little notes for your daughter and ask her to leave some for you. Pop it in her school lunch, under her pillow, or in her Barbie chest. You want your children to perceive that you love them and that they have value. Children think this way: If my dad doesn’t ask questions, and doesn’t spend time with me, he doesn’t care about me.

SD: Can you recommend any books?

Mark: I have two ebooks that are helpful, “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers,” and “60 Tips for Fathers to Create Happy, Connected, and Responsible Kids.” http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm

SD: How does coaching fit in?

Mark: Because these things have to be put into practice, which requires change, and change involves risk, and it’s helpful to have an expert who can guide process. Someone who knows where you’re going when you can’t quite see it yet, who knows these things work. Ultimately it’s all about having better relationships, passion, a more meaningful life, and better health, with and through your family.

SD: I can’t help but think –What’s it like to work 10-12 hours and then come home and be warm attentive father?

Mark: Paradoxically it can help. More effective fathers are more effective workers, and vice versa. It’s about personal development, about who you’re becoming. Okay here’s an example, let’s call him Ted, a coaching client of mine. He has three boys and is a pretty reserved, analytical kind of fellow, a scientist. In his case, when he saw college on horizon for oldest son, he realized he wasn’t as close to his boys as he’d like. In coaching, it turned out he hadn’t told his kids much about himself. He didn’t tell his stories, talk about what he was really about. It was an “ah hah” moment for him when he realized if he wasn’t willing to share with his kids, they weren’t going to with him. I gave him some suggestions for getting started.”

SD: One more thing before we part. Can you give me an example of how it works changing work situation first?

Mark: Sure. I had another client who wanted coaching because he had a dilemma. He had to work with some co-workers he didn’t get along with, and he couldn’t transfer and he didn’t want to leave company. In coaching, he discovered he was having same sort of power struggles at home he was having at work. It centered around emotional intelligence competencies he needed to develop. He liked to control things at work, and also his wife and kids at home, but it wasn’t getting him what he wanted.

SD: So coaching work made him a more effective co-worker and also a more effective husband and parent?

Mark: He did a lot of work and outcome was very favorable. He achieved his goals.

Here is a list of sounds and decibels to give you an idea: ·0 The softest sound a person can hear with normal hearing aka “hearing threshold” ·10 normal breathing ·20 whispering at 5 feet, broadcasting studio, rustling leaves ·30 soft whisper, library ·50 rainfall, light traffic, average home ·60 normal conversation, air conditioning unit ·80 alarm clock ·85 noisy restaurant ·90 city traffic ·110-120 rock concert, speedboat, headphones on maximum ·110 shouting in ear, baby crying, many power tools ·120 thunder, jet takeoff at 200’ ·130-140 firecracker, gunshot, powerful car speakers ·180 rocket launching According to Noise Center, musical toys measure over 110 decibels, comparable to many power tools.

TEENS

With your teenagers, pay special attention. So many of things they love are not advisable:

Clubs and discos, 91 - 96 dBA + Dance floor, 85 - 100 dBA At bar, 90 dBA or more Personal stereo systems. 60 - 114 dBA Rock concerts, 100 dBA or more average Car stereos, up to 154 dBA in car!! Home stereo, 80 - 115 dBA

If you take your kids hunting or to shooting range, take hearing protectors along. Firearms are all high and a single exposure can cause permanent hearing loss. Examples, 12-guage shotgun, 150-165 dB, shotgun, 163-172 dB, rifle, 143-170 dB. Most firearms start at 100 dB and can go as high as 190 Db.

You may also assign your older child or teenage chores involving power tools which require supervision for safety, including hearing safety.

Also note than a firecracker can cause immediate damage.

RECREATION

Two other things children and teens like should be monitored. Noise levels at video arcades can exceed 100 decibels (similar to factory machinery), and computer games and stereo systems can go as high as 135 dB (the level of a jackhammer), with car stereos reaching up to 154 dB, and an action movie is generally beyond 90 dB.

No one knows exactly what level damages a child’s ears, but Noise Center’s Rule of Thumb is: IF YOU HAVE TO SHOUT TO BE HEARD THREE FEET AWAY, THE NOISE IS TOO LOUD AND IS DAMAGING TO YOUR HEARING. Don’t let your child become a statistic. According to Dangerous Decibels, approximately 30 million Americans have hearing loss, and 50 million have tinnitus, an early indicator. According to a study done by Montgomery and Fujukawa in 1992, “Over last 10 years, percentage of 2nd graders with hearing loss has increased 2.8 times; hearing loss in 8th graders has increased over 4 times.”

Check with your child’s pediatrician for specific information. This is not medical advice.

*According to 3rd National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey [Niskar, 2000]. Reported on DangerousDecibels.

WHAT CAN YOU DO?

1.Educate yourself about noise levels 2.Provide your child with peace and quiet 3.Make it clear you value peace and quiet 4.Counteract that “loud is cool” 5.Ask your local theater to lower decibel levels 6.Provide ear protection 7.Model good hearing protection 8.Include instruction same way you do when you tell them brushing their teeth twice a day prevents tooth decay 9.Turn down volume of everything at home and tell your child why you’re doing it