In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It

Written by Rev. James L. Snyder

Continued from page 1

The only redeeming aspect of this incident wasrepparttar simple fact thatrepparttar 118087 Gracious Mistress ofrepparttar 118088 Parsonage was not home atrepparttar 118089 time. I say "simple fact," butrepparttar 118090 truth ofrepparttar 118091 matter is it is much more complicated.

My first job was to extricate myself fromrepparttar 118092 mess. Secondly, I had to pick up everything before my wife got home.

As it turned out, that wasrepparttar 118093 easier part of my job. The most difficult, and I admit it, was trying to fix my easy chair. It turned out to be broken in places that completely and absolutely confounded me.

Several months before this my wife insisted I throw out this antiquated easy chair and get a new one. Looking back now I see it was a foolish thing to do n but then I laughed at her and told her in no uncertain terms that this easy chair was in perfect condition. She just looked at me, shook her head and walked away.

With panic as incentive, I gathered uprepparttar 118094 pieces of what used to be my easy chair and tried to figure how to put it all back together. I went torepparttar 118095 garage, got some tools, a roll of wire and several rolls of duct tape. Working atrepparttar 118096 speed of a husband in trouble I managed to putrepparttar 118097 chair back in what I thought was good shape.

Sighing a sigh of relief, I carefully tested outrepparttar 118098 chair. Much to my pleasure and delight, it cradled me as afore. Leaning back in my chair, I could not believe I had pulled one over on my Better Half. Nothing matches an easy chair properly broken in.

Later that evening my wife and I were sitting together watching television. Out ofrepparttar 118099 blue, she brought uprepparttar 118100 subject of my chair. "Don't you think," she reflected in one of those wifely moods, "you should replace that old chair of yours?"

"Ha!" I said withrepparttar 118101 confidence of a fox who got away with a plump chicken. "This chair has a few more good years left in it."

Just then I heard a familiar sound.


Everything collapsed, and as I went free falling my whole life passed before my eyes. Looking up intorepparttar 118102 smiling eyes of my wife, she simply said, "My, how time flies."

The whole incident reminded me of a verse inrepparttar 118103 Bible. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will withrepparttar 118104 temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:12-13 KJV.)

Rev. James L. Snyder, is an award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL with his wife Martha.


Written by Theolonius McTavish

Continued from page 1

If marriage checkups are like vehicle inspections, then peeking underrepparttar hood and glancing atrepparttar 118086 maintenance records of any pre-owned vehicle is always a good idea. And taking a new vehicle out for a spin before purchasing it is wise plan of action. But, doing an “all points” check on one’s marriage relationship? That requires some heavy duty pondering and light-hearted reflection.

Can’t you just see those advertisements now.

-- Better late than never to examine your “wheels” …'cause you never know when you’ll need to roll right out of town fast.

-- Check those “fluid levels” … after all, springing a leak could put a damper on things, not to mention leave you with a big mess and a hefty clean-up bill attached.

-- And don't forget to inspect your “crank shaft”... on second thought, that could be a real downer -- try something easier like "spark plugs" ( see where your get-up-and-go got up and went silly willy).

So, if anyone called Cupid offers you a time-limited, “two-for-one” deal -- like a free-marriage check-up together with a complete tune-up, oil change and lube job –- I’d jump atrepparttar 118087 chance.

Remember,repparttar 118088 squeaky wheel always getsrepparttar 118089 grease. So, make sure you stock up on lots of Love Potion #9. After all, love will still makerepparttar 118090 world go round (especially when they run out of oil)!

And if that doesn’t work, just pick up a copy of “Sex inrepparttar 118091 Snow” –- it’s great bedtime reading material. Just make sure you consume it with a plucky partner who also adores a plate full of sugar-free crumbly cookies, and a glass of cold, lactose-free 2% milk.

Theolonius McTavish, a ripsnorting roving reporter who is never without a few words of wit and wisdom for anyone who'll listen, especially members of the Court of the Quipping Queen (

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