My "pater" was also a teacher by example. The last few months of his life, my father reinforced that object lesson, by never giving up and by always maintaining his dignity, his smile, his wave of encouragement, and even his sense of humor. How ironic, even laughable, was vote that he received in camp!

Joanne Yelenik, daughter of Harry Jackson, one of my father's favorite cousins, talks about a wise woman who commented that when a great person dies we should go out and grab sparks that his soul gives off, once he is finally freed from constraints of illness. My Dad would want you to grab enthusiasm that he felt toward each of us, potential in each of us. He would want us to grab his sense of commitment and run, but like a true teacher, in end he would leave you alone to discover that although this faith and connection to each of us is with us forever, your success is your own!

Remember dear Enchanted Self readers—the ball is in your court. Go and run with it, keeping your capacity for a positive attitude alive and strong by remembering:

·The glass is half full. ·You are unique. ·You have untapped potential. ·The world needs your gifts. ·The Joy Ride is waiting for you.

Perfectionism

Perfectionism is enemy of everything good. It puts us in a no-win situation, where others can’t please us, and we can’t please ourselves. I coach this, and I coach myself on it. As I cruised grocery aisles choosing items for Christmas dinner – food, drinks and decorations – I reminded myself that my Christmas meals didn’t have to be perfect, they could be “good enough.” When this item or that was missing, I reminded myself to be flexible and creative. If not that, then something else.

Relentlessly & Adamantly Self-forgiving

One thing that’s hard for perfectionists, and probably for everyone is that sense of personal failure. Of course I could say to myself that if I’d shopped sooner, shelves wouldn’t be bare of desired white sprinkles, Christmas plates, and smaller turkeys, but what would your emotional intelligence coach tell you? To be self-forgiving.

Flexibility & Creativity

I had to have a red tablecloth … had to, to make it all work … centerpiece, decorations, plates. Well, there was no red tablecloth to be had. I could either shop in other stores, when there wasn’t time, according to my plan and intentionality. Time to be flexible and creative, I reminded myself. Hadn’t I just gone through this with a coaching client. There were other things available in store, and other things I could use at home. I took it as a challenge to my creativity and put it all together in my head and moved on. Of course it turned out “good enough.”

Social Network

It’s a good time of year to have a strong social network! People who know you, real you. My friend who also lost a child, who knows what it likes. Other people who don’t, which is nice, too. And it’s nice when you’re a coach. My work is meaningful to me, and my clients have wonderful EQs and are just wonderful people. I received many emails, card and phone calls expressing their appreciation. On client in particular with whom I’ve worked for a year. He was unemployed for 11 months. He finally got a job a week ago, being invited back to a former job where he’d been treating poorly, and it seemed to be exceptionally great for him to receive this affirmation. “They’re calling it as Christmas miracle,” he said. The staff has welcomed him back with open arms. He called to tell me that 3 things had gotten him through this year – one of them being me, his coach. This gives me great satisfaction.

I also need strong social network because I work in coaching. It’s an emotional and turbulent time of year for people, my clients not excluded. It wonderful circle of life, they on me, and I lean on others. We all support, learn and grow.

Emotional Intelligence

Seligman refers to hedonic motive, pursuing pleasure, enjoyment and comfort, and eudaimonic motives, pursuing personal growth, development of potential, achieving personal excellence and contributing to lives of others. “Eudaimonic pursuits [are] significantly correlated with life satisfactions,” Seligman says, “whereas hedonic pursuits [are] not.”

This week after Christmas, I’m busy putting final touches on new emotional intelligence programs and ebooks for New Year. I'm asking all my ezine subscribers to send in their "life lessons from 2003." It is my intent to make EQ available to even more people in coming year, and continue outreach to business to incorporate EQ programs.

It’s time for resolutions … and intentionality is what will make resolutions that work.

As dust settles after Christmas, and our thoughts turn to New Year, it’s good to ponder what worked last year and what didn’t, and to make resolutions to change, grow and learn. Studies show that resilient seniors are individuals who have combined study, work and leisure through all phases of their adults lives. Are you where you want to be?

As we coaches say, “If you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’ll keep getting what you’ve been getting.” Emotional intelligence is about flexibility, creativity and resilience in face of change. Make it one of your resolutions this year to develop your EQ. It covers every aspect of your life and contributes much more to your satisfaction and success than your IQ.