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To live a good life, you must develop and use emotional intelligence. The cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence is self-awareness. The StrengthsFinder® profile can show you what your innate talents are, which, combined with education, training and expertise, become strengths.
At
same time, you must understand and be able to manage your own emotions and those of others. To know yourself, you must know how you feel, a point which has been ignored in Western society for too long. We are our emotions. Our emotions are there to guide us – toward things that feel good and are therefore good for us, and away from things that feel bad and are therefore bad for us.
One of Emotional Intelligence competencies is Integrated Self. In my EQ teleclasses, I start each session by asking each participant to tell how they are feeling – emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. These four components add up to self-knowledge and to balance in life.
Typically each participant will start in, name three and “forget” 4th. . This “forgotten” one is usually problem area.
Participants report feeling centered and “better” just having gone through exercise. How often, after all, do we ask one another this, or ourselves? And how less often do we honestly answer it. Routinely we ask, “How are you?” and answer with “Fine.”
Midlife is time when chickens come home to roost. So well put by poet Dante, in “The Divine Comedy,” “Midway upon journey of my life I found myself in a dark wood, where right way was lost.”
When in a dark wood, when right way has been lost, least Emotionally Intelligent thing to do is to redouble our efforts at what we’ve already discovered doesn’t work, hoping that more of same, only harder and longer, will bring different results. This is proverbial “beating a dead horse.” As someone wrote, “I’m busy all time – working, sewing, crafts classes, promotions, organizations, networking, activities, teleclasses …won’t somebody please stop me?”
Difficult as it may be, best thing to do is to stop. Take time to pause and reflect. Turn inward to find answers you haven’t been able to find by turning outward. Learn more about yourself and who are you are and then become more of that. Coaching can help you sort through sources of chaos and stress, to get back in touch with who you really are, perhaps for first time. From there you can begin to rebuild your life in a balanced and healthy manner, going with grain, not against it.
All growth requires some discomfort. To turn and face what’s going on takes some courage, but rewards are commensurate with your willingness to do this. Rather than continuing to sweep dirt under rug, go after it.
Work with an Emotional Intelligence coach to get in touch with, yes, your feelings, because we are our emotions, and they are there to guide us. Develop your Emotional Intelligence as foundation for changes you need to make. Discover what your strengths are. Then be willing to try some new things, and to get rid of or stop doing things that are making you miserable.
If not now, when?
