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The next 15 minutes involved both of them trying to make their cases to me while attempting to harass or cajole other to their side. I finally put an end to it by switching to ESPN. Instantly, they were comrades in arms, and presented a united front in their TV viewing preference.
I went upstairs to see if wife was feeling any better (in hopes that she would come downstairs and relieve me of my parenting misery). She was still sleeping, but I'm pretty sure she could hear my footsteps and closed her eyes as I approached. Note to self - get some slippers with a soft sole.
Having "made" breakfast, I decided to save myself a little work and hit drive-thru at McDonald's. Even a decision as simple as taking easy way out and feeding my kids fat-laden fast food is an exercise in humility.
You can't just order a regular meal with my kids. My daughter won't eat cheese and doesn't like onions on her burger. My son won't eat anything but cheese and bread, so I have to order a cheeseburger without meat, onions, ketchup, mustard, or pickles. Just cheese and a bun. And God forbid if you forget to ask for a girl's toy for her and a boy's toy for him.
I don't know how my wife does it. I couldn't even relax after lunch because kids had other plans. They wanted to play games. We decided to play Funny Bunny. This game makes Chutes and Ladders seem like chess, involving no skill whatsoever. I still couldn't win.
Having exhausted my supply of stupid game patience, I went and checked on wife. She was starting to feel a little bit better, so she asked me to bring her some more tea and to prop up her pillows so she could watch some Lifetime chick-flick movie.
I think I'll use her toothbrush tonight to see if I can catch her cold. Seems like a pretty good gig. At least it's a heck of a lot easier than parenting.
(c)2003 Chuck Smith. All rights reserved.
Chuck Smith's Brain Sediment is designed for nothing more noble than to make you smile. Chuck is, for the most part, a happily married man who is doing his best to raise a couple of rambunctious children while working in high tech. Chuck can be reached at email@example.com, and you can see past Brain Sediment columns at www.brainsediment.com.