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Second piece of advice…ignore weather forecasts (they’re about as reliable as a crapshoot in this country). Just bring along a big bumbershoot (capable of handling two months of something called “heavy precipitation”). Be prepared to brandish a large can of bug-repellent at least sign of black-flies (that appear during a one-month season called “summer”). And whatever you do, don’t forget to buy a six-pack of premium beer to wash down all bugs (and warm cockles of your heart so you can cope with other 11 months of brisk temperatures, blustery breezes and blinding blizzards).
Third piece of advice, use your imagination and figure out what you might want to find in a large-print, picture book called “A Manual on Moose, Mosquitoes & Mukluks”. Hint: You might want to explore following: (1) why Santa Claus moved with his far-fetched family to North Pole to set up a toy shop; (2) why some smelly soul called “Sasquatch” likes to hang out in provincial parks; and (3) why Snow White decided not to invest in cottage country because a carnivorous creature called “Little Red Riding Hood” got there first and devoured three French-speaking hens (who knows why), two calling birds (who probably wouldn’t shut up) and a big bad wolf (who was on sale at butcher shop for $8.95 plus 7% GST).
Fare thee well Oh Canada. And, as a token of my deepest affection for your weed-whacking wilderness, wretched weather, and weird ways…may you enjoy my tingling toes, tidily pum. Because after walking in someone else’s moccasins and mukluks for a month or two, I now know why deer and antelope, not to mention beaver and bear, plus ‘Abominable Person of Snow’ all call this problematical place “home”.
Theolonius McTavish, can be found lollgagging and lounging about like the lip-laboured, long-in-the-mouth mystery man he is in the company of other boisterous boffins and bird-duffers at www.quippingqueen.blogspot.com