Written by Beatrice Blitterless & Earl Craboon

Continued from page 1

15.ANGELOCRACY AWARENESS DAY (Ever wondered what it would be like to be “touched by an angel” or better yet, ruled over by one likerepparttar Cream Cheese Lady?)

16.FLAUNT YOUR FRIED FLOWERS DAY (Time to dust off your dead dandelions, sing to your silk something-or-others, and nip one inrepparttar 118065 bud for a boring friend)

17.GUESS WHO’S COMING TO DINNER DAY (Invite three imaginary guests home to share a meal with you, and don’t forget to chat them up...after all you’rerepparttar 118066 host!)

18.TICKY TACKY BOX DECORATING DAY (Time to redecorate your cozy cubby hole, by making a colorful, cabobbling statement -- aboutrepparttar 118067 real you naturally!)

19.PAINT-BY-NUMBERS APPRECIATION DAY (For linear thinkers who can’t color outsiderepparttar 118068 lines but whose taste in fine art includesrepparttar 118069 Mona Lisa, Whistler’s Mother & Spiderwoman)

20.TAKE THE BULL BY THE HORNS DAY (Time to turnrepparttar 118070 tables on all those Taurus types – you knowrepparttar 118071 boring, dependable, insensitive, materialistic, obstinate, orderly, placid, pondering, self-indulgent, rather slow-moving creatures of few words who likes nothing more than plain food or ...justrepparttar 118072 facts ma'am)

21.ROYAL FLUSH DAY (It’s your throne room, at least for one day a year; so sing your favorite tune loudly inrepparttar 118073 loo; you only live once ... unless you believe in reincarnation)

22.PATTY CAKE APPRECIATION DAY (“Earth Day” means you can jump in mud puddles, put mud packs on your face, or whip up a Martha Stewart patty cake!)

23.FLAPDRAGON DAY (It’s “St. George’s Day” in Newfoundland where they show-off their Do-It-Yourself-Dragon-Slaying Skills for timid tourists, terse teetotalers and merry-challenged monsters who live in dark caves ...where else would they live?)

24.CELEBRATE A NON-BIRTHDAY (Throw yourself a party or call someone way down on your “to call” list (the ones you usually reserve for "one of these days when you get around to it")

25.BLEEPING BAND INSTRUMENT DAY (Time to make percussion thingies out of empty cardboard boxes and tin cans, cymbals out of pot lids, and a piano out of partially filled glass jars – who said you can’t make music and march to your own loony tune!)

26.ODD-BALL HABITS APPRECIATION DAY (Try brushing your teeth with your other hand, drawing with your toes instead of your fingers for a change, or winking with flair & panache)

27.THREE-LEGGED RACE DAY (For those who’ve dreamed of winning a red, blue, yellow ribbon or a little gold, silver, or bronze star to stick onrepparttar 118074 refrigerator door)

28.TRIVIA IN A TIME-CAPSULE DAY (Put allrepparttar 118075 obsolete things you know and love in your container like tape cassettes of your 5th birthday, Polaroid photos of your pet snake “It”, your first parking ticket, and your favorite chewing gum with great baseball sluggers)

29.BUMPER STICKER APPRECIATION DAY (Find a funny decal to share with your playmates, workmates, or even your nettlesome next door neighbor)

30.LIRIPOOP & LOLLIPOP DAY (What a great way to recognize a silly person or really stupid trick than with a licking-good lollipop flavor of your own choosing!)

Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and Lord Earl Craboon are frequent-fops-for-hire who, from time to time, provide much needed comic relief in the constipated Court of "The Quipping Queen" at

Guys Love What Women Don't

Written by Ed Williams

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3. Burping loudly - I’m not going to say anything else here or I’ll get in trouble, but just suffice it to say that most men get a big kick out of this, and all women despise it. No one ever said that Mother Nature is always pretty, you know.

4. Hating ties - Any man that has a testosterone count higher than Liberace hates neck ties. Absolutely despises them. They had to be invented by a fervent man-hater -repparttar problem is, women love for you to wear one just as badly as you hate doing so. I’d rather spend a Saturday poisoning wasp nests than to wear a neck tie to a formal social function. Unfortunately,repparttar 118064 women in our lives can give you pretty convincing reasons to wear one, so, we have to do it. But it still stinks like a dead frog inrepparttar 118065 hot sun, though.

5. Not wanting to use strange toilets - For some reason, women can go into a restroom in a restaurant, gas station, or other public facility and use it without hesitation. Conversely, most men hate using a strange toilet. For us, images of mutant bacteria that could eat whole cows alive live on those toilet seats. I’ve even resisted going torepparttar 118066 bathroom instead of being forced to use a strange one. Honestly, I think most of you ladies out there need to rethink this one.

And there you have it. Some ofrepparttar 118067 most well known “guy’s things” there are. Probably, if I’m guessing right, I’d say that some of you ladies out there might want equal time, maybe a future column about “gal’s things.” The only thing is, I’m not biologically qualified to write it. My suggestion would be to contact my good friend, columnist Amy Eason ( Tell her I wrote a column about guy’s things, and that you think a response is in order. That’ll get her back up enough that I’ll guarantee you she’ll produce a wonderful, women friendly masterpiece for all you ladies...

Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at:, or through his web site address at:

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