I'm A Romance Novel Hero!

Written by Ed Williams

Continued from page 1

Now, aboutrepparttar book. A few years ago, when Trish was just starting out, she wrote a romance novel called “Send Me No Flowers.” She even had to use her maiden name, Trish Graves, onrepparttar 134994 book’s cover because of some kind of contractual thing regarding her name with another publisher. Anyway, Trish starts writing this book, andrepparttar 134995 lead male character happens to be a South Carolina sheriff who’s honest, good looking, and who has women falling all over him. She named this character Rob Townsend. And when Trish considered all of his qualities, she felt that there was only one true role model for Rob, only one living person out there who could fully capture his essence, and that was moi. Me. Sorepparttar 134996 book got written, and you can get onrepparttar 134997 internet and probably find a copy out there somewhere if you look really, really hard. And if y’all still don’t want to believe me, just take a gander atrepparttar 134998 dedication torepparttar 134999 book after you get your hands on one. Read it closely. Ahem. Case closed.

Y’all might wonder why I’m finally “outing” myself asrepparttar 135000 male lead of a romance novel after this much time. Well, I’m doing it cause Trish has been a little underrepparttar 135001 weather here lately, and sometimes I think you need to acknowledge dear friends who’ve been kind to you. And in this case one who’s always been kind to me. Odds are that she’ll probably get a look at this article, and I sincerely hope that she realizes just how special she is, and why I’ll always think so fondly of her. She’s a great writer, and an even classier person. I could go on and write even more about her, but I‘m scheduled for some plastic surgery in just a couple of days, so I’ve gotta start packing - after all, one never knows when they might meetrepparttar 135002 editor of Playgirl Magazine somewhere out there inrepparttar 135003 literary world...

Ed’s latest book, “Rough As A Cob,“ can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He’s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.

The Finer Points of Poverty

Written by Timothy Ward

Continued from page 1


- I get to shop at stores with improperly spelled titles like Sav-A-Lot, Thrif-Ti-Mart, and DisKount King. These stores offer a wide variety of out-dated, slightly damaged merchandise that Wal-Mart shoppers can only dream of.

- I get to drool at resturant commercials on TV because I know I will never be able to afford meals like that again unless a rich relative dies

- I get to wear my friend's hand-me-down clothes and shoes. This means that I rarely match and my feet ache constantly from wearing shoes that are three sizes too small.

- I get to freely engage inrepparttar offical sports ofrepparttar 134936 National Poor People's Association: begging and borrowing.

- I get to go to bed every night withrepparttar 134937 comforting thought that if I ever do meet Ms.Right I can't afford to date her.

I'll stop there because I seerepparttar 134938 envy rising to dangerous levels in a few reader's eyes. These readers probably have steady jobs and nice homes or apartments. Their bills are probably caught up. They probably have an immense wardrobe with properly sized shoes. Their bank account probably never drops below $5,000. I apologize to these readers if my boasting about my impoverished condition has made them feel inferior and totally removed any self-esteem they may have had left. All I can say is that I never meant to be poor. I was just inrepparttar 134939 right places atrepparttar 134940 right times. Maybe one day all of you will find yourselves onrepparttar 134941 Road to Rags as well. Until then you can check in with me if you want to know what it's like. I'll berepparttar 134942 guy onrepparttar 134943 side ofrepparttar 134944 interstate off-ramp withrepparttar 134945 'Will Work For Food' sign. Pull your Mercedes right up and ask me anything. I promise I won't laugh.

Timothy Ward invites you to subscribe to his weekly humor column 'I Never Said I Was Normal' at http://www.timward.1afm.com

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