Hungry For Overkill

Written by David Leonhardt

Continued from page 1

"But dear ..." my wife tried once more.

"Hello? Cable Company? I want to lodge a most serious complaint."

"But we don't get cable out here," my wife broke in. "We have satellite TV."


"Look. There are some 395 channels, and at least 70% of them are airing Michael Jackson stories. Don't you think that's at least, oh, let's say, 70% overkill?" my wife asked.

"You don't understand. This is important. The whole world is watching. This man has changedrepparttar face of music."

"Yes, that's what some of his celebrity colleagues are saying", my wife rolled her eyes. "As if people who changerepparttar 118225 face of music have all been vaccinated against child-molesting."

"That's notrepparttar 118226 point. There are so many details to uncover. We know he likes Kentucky Fried Chicken, but does he eat quiche? Everybody knows that real men don't eat quiche. Could that be his problem?

"Let it go, Happy Guy," my wife advised. "It just doesn't pay to get so caught up in allrepparttar 118227 TV drama. Besides, this is a serious investigation with a serious charge and it should be left torepparttar 118228 authorities."

I sank down intorepparttar 118229 couch. My wife was finally starting to make sense. "What are you going to do now?" she asked.

"I think I'll watch Touched by an Angel."

"Ah, that'srepparttar 118230 husband I know and love."

"Right now Michael Jackson could use an angel, and so could all those kids. I mean, what can one little district attorney do?" I moaned.

My wife moaned, too. I was amazed that she would suddenly show such support.

"I know," I said, lighting up. "Never mindrepparttar 118231 cable company. I'll call Tess. She can set Michael Jackson straight."

The author is David Leonhardt. Sign up for his weekly satire column up at or read more columns at . Pick up a free motivational ebook at .

That's the Christmas spirit

Written by David Leonhardt

Continued from page 1

"But you don't have a tree out front, Uncle Albert."

"Right there," he pointed. "Acrossrepparttar street. Hey Wilson! Stop blowing out my candles!"

"You lit candles on your neighbor's tree?"

"Ha! A lot of good that will do me," Uncle Albert sighed. "You would thinkrepparttar 118224 ingrate would appreciate a little Christmas spirit now and then. Hey Wilson! Get some Christmas spirit, you overgrown porcupine pimple!"

"Maybe some people don't wantrepparttar 118225 Christmas spirit all year 'round?"

"Don't be silly, Happy Guy. Everybody wishes it to each other," he replied. "Mayrepparttar 118226 Christmas spirit last all year. But it never does. You know why?" "I'm afraid I am about to find out."

"Because nobody wants to do all those things they sing so nostalgically about," he harrumphed.

"Maybe we just need some new Christmas carols. Instead of trying to make reality fitrepparttar 118227 songs, why not sing songs that fit reality?"

"Funny you should mention that," Uncle Albert exclaimed. "I wrote one justrepparttar 118228 other day. Want to hear it?"


"Here comes another Yule, let's spend like a fool. Push 'n' shove atrepparttar 118229 store, to buy even more. Light uprepparttar 118230 lights, there'll be no star in sight. Turn uprepparttar 118231 furnace, this world we will burn it. Chop down a tree, chop another down with glee. Wilson is a grump, such a whiny chump. (Likerepparttar 118232 personal touch?) This year let's all cheer it, Whoo! I love this Christmas spirit. "

"That's very original," I observed. "I am sure there must be a market for just such a song...somewhere."

"That's what I thought," Uncle Albert beamed. "Heh, heh. This could even make me rich, rich rich! Ha! Take that, Wilson."

"That'srepparttar 118233 Christmas spirit, Uncle Albert."

The author is David Leonhardt. Sign up for his weekly satire column up at or read more columns at . Or visit his home page at .

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