How to overcome co-dependency and live a fulfilled life

Written by Ulla Sebastian

Continued from page 1

CO-DEPENDENCY IS THE RESULT OF FRUSTRATED NEEDS IN CHILDHOOD Basic needs like being nurtured, protected and appreciated were neglected, boundaries invaded through abuse, self-expression discouraged or punished. This neglect of primal needs then becomerepparttar obsession ofrepparttar 126099 adult who longs for their fulfilment in every close relationship.

The deep need to be saved fromrepparttar 126100 inner loneliness and emptiness is projected on to another person, usually an addict in an attempt to save 'him'. Needless to say, that her attempt to saverepparttar 126101 'helpless him' or to endlessly supportrepparttar 126102 'busy important ones' is prone to fail which then increases her frustration, anger, disappointment, guilt and low self worth.

DO YOU RECOGNISE ANY OF THIS? DO YOU FEEL A DEEP NEED TO BE SAVED FROM INNER LONELINESS AND EMPTINESS? This deep need can turn into a desperate, needy search for a romance that makes you vulnerable for being used by people. This neediness will draw partners into your life that want to have their needs fulfilled and will have little concern for your feelings or needs.

You may also find yourself projecting this need on to another person, usually an addict in an attempt to save 'him'. Saving 'him' will not solve your problem. Inrepparttar 126103 opposite: If you stay long enough in an unfulfilling relationship you become accustomed to unhappy situations, which then again will make you an easy target for being used.

HOW CAN YOU BREAK THIS VICIOUS CYCLE AND OVERCOME CO-DEPENDENCY? First, make your needs and interests your priority. What do you need to do to be good to yourself, to love yourself, to appreciaterepparttar 126104 good things in you and in your life? Start to take stock inrepparttar 126105 people you have surrounded yourself with. Are they as concerned with your needs and feelings as you are with theirs? You may need to detach yourself from some of these people, maybe even your partnership at least until you have taken time to start taking care of yourself.

Learn to say No when you mean No. Practice setting up boundaries that are firm and flexible. Saying No can be as easy as just not answeringrepparttar 126106 phone. Romance, alcohol, drugs and sex are not appropriate tools for overcoming co-dependency or filling your inner emptiness. Instead, focus on enjoyingrepparttar 126107 single life, as you develop a wide variety of interests and activities, meet people, and make new friends. With interests, activities and a good network of friends and acquaintances,repparttar 126108 inner emptiness andrepparttar 126109 painful longing will cease.

Dr. Ulla Sebastian is a well-known author, trainer and psychotherapist. Her work spans a wide range of themes for professional and personal growth and is the result of forty years of research, work with thousands of people from all over the world and a lifelong experience of selfgrowth and transformation. Visit her website for free courses, distance courses, books and articles.

How To Help Your Children Have Strong Self-Esteem

Written by Garrett Coan

Continued from page 1
17.When you know that you have disappointed him, acknowledge it. Ask him how he feels about it. 18.Spend time alone with her. Arrange activities for justrepparttar two of you. 19.Ask him what he would like to do. 20.Give her a private space where she can express herself. 21.Respect his privacy. 22.If he did a good job on something, say so. 23.If she didn’t do such a good job on something, point out what she did well. 24.After a disappointment or failure, ask, “What did you learn fromrepparttar 126098 experience?” 25.When you are giving feedback, describe specific behavior. For example, “I like how you askedrepparttar 126099 question so politely” or “You still need to pick uprepparttar 126100 towels offrepparttar 126101 floor.” 26.When there is a problem, focus onrepparttar 126102 issue, notrepparttar 126103 child. For example, “You didn’t dorepparttar 126104 last ten problems on this assignment” is more constructive than “You never finish anything.” 27.Ask what he thinks. 28.Let her berepparttar 126105 one to chooserepparttar 126106 activity some ofrepparttar 126107 time. 29.Ask him to go with you on routine errands just because you want to spend some time with him. 30.Touch her when you talk to her. 31.Give him a hug at least every few days. 32.Go in and say goodnight before she goes to sleep. 33.Look up and smile when he walks intorepparttar 126108 room. 34.Introduce yourself when she is with a new friend. 35.Ask her to tell you aboutrepparttar 126109 book she is reading. 36.Review child development literature regularly to stay updated on what is normal at each age and stage. It is important to recheck your standards and expectations to be sure they are realistic forrepparttar 126110 child’s age and individual abilities. 37.Look for ways to maintain your own self-esteem. If you are unhappy, discontent, or disappointed in how your life is turning out, it will be difficult for you to buildrepparttar 126111 self-esteem of your children. 38.Every child needs to berepparttar 126112 object of a parent’s undivided attention on a regular basis. 39.Make certain that your body language matches your words. If they are out of synch, he will be aware of it. 40.Be yourself. Tellrepparttar 126113 truth. 41.Be appropriate. You don’t have to say everything that is on your mind or tell him things he isn’t ready to know. 42.If you show that you accept yourself and your actions, you give permission to her to dorepparttar 126114 same.

Garrett Coan, LCSW is Director ofrepparttar 126115 Center for Creative Counseling with offices in Tenafly, NJ (offrepparttar 126116 Palisades Parkway in Bergen County) and Passaic, NJ. For more information, logon to Garrett can be reached at 201-303-4303.

Garrett Coan, LCSW is Director of the Center for Creative Counseling with offices in Tenafly, NJ (off the Palisades Parkway in Bergen County) and Passaic, NJ. For more information, logon to Garrett can be reached at 201-303-4303.

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