A second point worth mentioning is that of wanting something from someone versus giving.

When you approach dealing with other people as getting something from them you will always have confidence issues instead view conversations as giving and you are back in control.

With bank cashier if I want to get something from her I focus on wanting her to accept me and this neediness will be picked up by her. She is unlikely to respond positively to this.

If instead I give what I want then I will decide to accept her. And she will receive my acceptance and likely reflect it back to me.

My confidence then is based on giving - something I am in charge of not someone else.

Now it is time for you to take this information and put it into action.

Think of a situation where you are typically not as confident as you would like to be.

If reason is due to a lack of knowledge or ability then work on that first. If you do have necessary skills then decide to take action and learn step by step from every experience.

Start with a small challenge and gradually step up to bigger ones.

Remember to use this outlook:

1 What is working and what is not working? 2 Change your approach until you get results you want 3 Decide to learn from every experience

Your confidence is under your control and is not controlled by someone else!

Next, distort images until other person looks absurd. Dress person in silly clothes or even no clothes! Change their voice until it sounds squeaky like a cartoon character. Slow down their speech until it sounds like a worn out tape. Then speed up speech until they sound like a bumble bee.

Play scene backwards, upside down or with zero gravity. Do whatever you have to until scene is ludicrous.

Keep playing with sounds and images until you are either laughing or at least smiling when you think of intimidator.

At this point you have turned fear into a more resourceful emotional state. Well done!

When you are new to this technique you will need to run through it several times until you get hang of it. And for difficult situations I recommend using it daily to shake off those unpleasant feelings of fear you have associated to that person.

4 Keep benefits of fear and not fear itself

After step 2 above you know how your fear is serving you.

Let us say fear gives you alertness, safety and carefulness.

How are you going to behave carefully around intimidator without feeling fear?

You need to write down or run through likely scenarios in your mind until you are well prepared to handle whatever is thrown at you.

This step is very important and you are in trouble if you skip it.

In my case I was mentally ready to work elsewhere, I saved up some money so that if I did get fired it would not be end of world and I was always careful to only promise what I knew I could deliver.

If I had just changed how I felt without dealing effectively with situation I would have been in a very difficult situation.

Your goal ought to be to feel resourceful and to be intelligent in how you deal with difficult people.

Using these tips will help you. How much this information helps will depend on how much energy you put into applying this approach.

When I look back on my aggressive boss situation I know that I could have done even more to handle it better. So like you I am always learning.

The important thing is to get started and keep heading in right direction. And take even one step each day to take you forward.

NB: get help immediately if you are dealing with a violent individual