11. She’s weakened relations with her parents, spending less time with them, less visits, saying less. Same with girlfriends.

12. You come home early and find a babysitter. (Let’s hope you don’t find lover.)

13. You find telltale things in glove box and trunk of car; fancy lingerie, notes, cards, phone numbers.

14. Flowers arriving at house. She says they’re from her boss, a colleague or a friend.

15. Unaccountable charges on your credit cards.

16. You’re over budget. She’s asking for more money. People having an affair spend money. They buy gifts for their lover, go to motels, rent cars, travel. Women do this just as much as men.

17. Disappearing to spend time on Internet. A good way to meet people or to conduct an affair.

18. Strange emails. If you have joint email, check it out.

19. Changes in children’s behaviour. Children don’t miss what’s going on.

20. Change in your sex life. More interest in variety in sex and new things. She’s learning something new from new guy. Or she’s no longer interested in sex with you.

21. Lapses in routines. She’s no longer that interested when you track in mud, whether you drop your dirty clothes on floor, or working in her garden. Studies show that many people who have affairs aren’t interested in leaving their spouses. If you catch signs early, you can do something about it. A good, supportive marital relationship can generally bear strain of temptation. It goes without saying it relies on emotional intelligence and relationship skills. Women particularly need emotional connection, and sensual time as well as sexual. One key to a marriage that will last is if couple can sense when one another is sad. Can you tell when she is? If not, work on your EQ. It’s empathy, an EQ competency. Another sign is when number of positive things they say about each other and relationship outnumber negative things. All couples have problems, but attitude and relationship skills can tip balance. If you’re saying, “It’s not that bad yet,” look again. Why would you wait until it IS that bad. Desire comes from arousal with women when there is intimacy and emotional connection. You know this, and if you’re ignoring it, you may be re-reading those 21 signs and adding some more of your own. I hear men say all time, “I had no idea she was unhappy. She just walked out one day.” This sort of “cluelessness” is probably what made her wander in first place. She may have been telling you all along something was wrong and you weren't hearing it (selective listening). All of this can be addressed by working on your emotional intelligence. If you're not good at reading her feelings and intention, this can be fatal to your relationship with your wife. The good news is you can learn Emotional Intelligence, and improve your relationship and chances of being cheated on. If you don’t want your wife to cheat on you, get smart. Get EMOTIONALLY smart!

The other day I heard a very low EQ guy yell, “It doesn’t help to be nice.” He was furious because someone had thwarted him, and hadn’t done what he wanted.

Sometimes it doesn’t help to be nice, I thought to myself, but it doesn’t hurt, either. What if you were nice and didn’t get what you wanted? At least you would still have been nice. The difference would be all to yourself, person that matters. It makes a difference in how well you sleep at night, I think.

If you operate under premise that only way you’ll get what you want is to be nasty, I imagine you’ll get even less of what you want, and you’ll also feel a lot worse, since nastiness is its own punishment, just as niceness is its own reward.

What if you believe that you can’t forgive someone unless they come to you on bended knee? Forgiveness is one of those things that’s also it’s own reward. When you forgive, it’s your self and your sanity that you’re saving. The event or incident remains same, and can’t really be taken back. If you continue to relive it, letting it fester, you eat yourself up with little effect on perpetrator. The most important injustices in life, no one could apologize for anyway. You’d have to ask life itself to apologize to you, and that isn’t possible. It’s comforting to believe someone’s at fault, but sometimes things just happen, that aren’t really under control of anyone.

I think of my friend whose child suffered brain damage from an operation. She went so far as to file a lawsuit, and all investigation proved doctors and surgeon had exercised best judgment, and done what was standard care under circumstances. My friend is still convinced someone should be held responsible for this. She suffers terribly, not only because her child suffered damage, but because of her beliefs about why it happened.

Both Cammie and Thomas had to give up believing that everything they’d learned from their parents was operable. Part of growing in Emotional Intelligence is taking back your Personal Power. Also being flexible about “always” and “never”, because tricky part is that some of messages they got work quite well. Thomas’ mother also taught him many good and useful things, and Cammie’s father gave her some good guidance about self-discipline that has stood her in good stead.

One way you can come to grips about changing beliefs that don’t work, is to work on your intuition, which is another part of Emotional Intelligence. When you hone your intuition, you can see more clearly how you’re affecting other people and therefore, whether it’s getting in your way or not. Some held beliefs can be downright self-sabotaging. “No one would hire someone my age,” is one of them.

Coaching can help because you can test out your beliefs against reality of someone with experience, but of course you have to be willing to take them out and look at them in first place, which requires, in itself, a level of self-awareness, which is tenet of Emotional Intelligence. Without it, there can be no Emotional Intelligence.

If you haven’t taken time to become introspective enough to be self-aware, maybe now’s a good time!

If something’s hanging you up, it could well be your Emotional Intelligence, and good news is that it can be learned. It’s a set of life skills that can be taught. Most people take to it immediately, recognizing it as “the missing piece.” It usually brings relief, as you begin to figure things out, and excitement, as changes in your life are immediate and rewarding.

When you keep getting stuck and state your belief, ask yourself how that belief has been working for you. One belief you might entertain is that when YOU change, your life changes.