Anticipate complications

Watch out for complications once you know that your loved one is in distress. Be aware of any changes such as suicidal and homicidal behavior and aggression. If not showing actual destructive behavior, ask for any thoughts of death or wanting to die or to kill.

Inquiring about presence of suicidal or homicidal thought will not push your loved one to act destructively. In fact, your loved one might be encouraged to disclose more information and to express well-kept emotions.

Remedy with Early Intervention

Early intervention requires you to first accept or acknowledge that a problem exists and urgent need to address it. Being in denial can only make matters worse. Denial interferes in recognizing on-going problem.

Assist in addressing your loved ones pressing issues. Offer to provide some financial support or to contact appropriate government agencies. For someone in legal trouble, suggest obtaining advice of a good lawyer.

Be available and supportive. Reassure your loved ones that you will be in their side no matter what. Let them talk about their worries and travails. Provide a listening ear. Avoid arguments and criticisms. Show empathy.

Be alert for signs of destructive behavior such as wrist slashing, overdosing, verbalizing death, agitated behavior, writing or changing a will, and giving away properties. If your loved one is in distress, clarify if one has entertained destructive thoughts.

Call for help. Because suicidal and homicidal behavior requires immediate help, further delay is a not an option. Call mental health hotline, mental health services, or emergency rooms to seek guidance and to ask for next step. Do not hesitate to call law enforcement agencies or mental health crisis team if your loved one refuses to get help.

Educate Yourself

Knowing about illness, dos and don’ts, and how to best cope is a powerful way of dealing with suicide or other destructive behavior. Furthermore, education helps you get rid of misconception, self-blame, guilt, and shame.

In summary, suicide, like cancer, has only one goal – death. It has caused agony, sleepless nights, and oceans of tears for those who are left behind. However, despite its deadly intentions, suicide is also a cry for help. Fortunately, simple steps such as CARE approach make suicide surmountable.

But having gotten my life mostly in order, I don’t look for danger, more hassle, or things that leave me fatigued or drained. These things to me are not “amusements.” I look for things that give me pleasure as I do them and leave me refreshed and relaxed.

DATING

Is it just me who gets puzzled when asked on a date, “What do you like to do for fun?” Maybe that’s particular to south Texas, but my answer to that question could go on for an hour. I find many things fun. It would be quicker to ask me what I don’t like to do for fun: Get hurt, Hurt someone else, or anything involving District Attorney’s office.

Furthermore, having Authenticity, as we call it in EQ, if I’m doing something, generally speaking I’m enjoying it and having fun. So at point gentleman asks me “What do you like to do for fun?” I could also answer in one word: “This.”

Sadly, that question immediately tells me HE isn’t having “fun.” I’m almost always “having fun” or I’d be doing something different.

Perhaps question those gentleman mean is “What can you and I do NEXT that would be fun?” Now that’s a fair question and quite answerable because it allows for constraints of situation—who’s involved, what nature of our relationship is, where we are, how much time we have, how much money we’ve got, and what temperature is!

WHERE DO YOU FIND ‘FUN’?

My client, Tamara, sounded dismayed. “I never seem to have any fun,” she said. “What do you mean?” I asked her. “What have you tried?”

“Everything,” she said. “When we go out, it’s a hassle. Gotta get dressed up, it’s something else on ‘to-do list, get a sitter, kids cry, we argue about where to go, when we get there it’s crowded, there’s a parking hassle …”

“What’s YOUR idea of fun?” I asked. There was a pause, and then she said, “Actually, it’s most likely to occur when I’m not going looking for it.”

THE GALLUP-ish POLL

“What’s your idea of fun?” I asked my friend who’s got a busy family and a full-time people-oriented job. “Being alone,” she replied.

Another friend told me, “Not thinking OR feeling. Being in flow, and that can be humming and being lost in comfortable thought while I mop kitchen floor, or playing a tennis match.”

Yet another said, “Anywhere without decisions or arguments.”

And last, but not least, “Something that doesn’t end me up with a policeman, lawyer, doctor or therapist.”

Rarely, beyond high school/college years, is having fun going out and getting rowdy. I’m thinking of my friends years back whose marital counselor told them to “go out and have some fun.” So he got drunk, and they ended up spending night in jail. That’ll do a lot for your marriage!

Define your terms! When someone tells you to “have fun,” be curious and check it out. If it’s a professional giving you advice, such as a coach, or doctor, ask them WHY they are recommending, “having fun” and what it means to them. It can mean add something pleasurable to your life, or remove some obstacle or annoyance, or do something new and/or different. It doesn’t have to mean putting a lamp shade on your head and dancing on table.

And consider it a projection of sorts. I don’t think I’ve ever asked someone that question, or required it of them. It doesn’t seem relevant. I “am” fun, and we “are” fun, and it “happens.”

RAISE CONSCIOUSNESS

My client Rebecca was sad. Her boyfriend had told her she was too serious and needed to have more fun. We went through discussion again. Bottom line – she’s happy and content most of time. The only time she’s miserable is when she’s doing those things “other people consider fun.”

However, I decided to take my therapist friend’s advice and ‘go have some fun.” After all, house would still be unsold when I returned whether I thought about it or not, and I had done all I could.

What did I do?

We each have to discover our own definition of fun, sometimes over and over again, it’s a vital part of emotional intelligence and wellness, and its yours, all yours!