2. Be interested and attentive. Your teen will sense whether you are interested or not by way you reply or not reply to her.

3. Focus on "what" your teen is saying and not "how" she is saying it. If she is upset, for example, she may be exhibiting body language that may be distracting.

4. Listen patiently and avoid getting emotionally involved in conversation. If you do so, you will tend to hear what you want to hear, as opposed to what is really being said. Your goal is to remain objective and open-minded during your discussions.

5. Avoid cutting your teenager off while she is speaking. This will show her that you respect her right to have an opinion, as well as to freely express it.

6. Avoid distractions or trying to multitask during your conversations. This may be okay at work, however your teen may perceive that you have a terminal case of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). :)

Exercise It may be helpful to have a practice conversation with your teenager rather than wait to try and be a better listener when she comes to you with a "real world" problem. Inform her that she is really important to you, and that you want to be a better listener. Then tell her that you need her help.

Referring to above guidelines, have her tell you about her day while you demonstrate your listening skills. Then ask her how you did and what you could have done better. Remember not to get defensive and conclude by thanking her for her help. Doing this on a regular basis will not only improve your overall listening skills, but also will make your teenager want to talk to you.

Copyright 2004 by V. Michael Santoro and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.

V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed. co-authored "Realizing Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and you can too, with his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information, visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com

A good way to handle this is to say something like, "You know, I hear what you are saying, but there seems to be something else on your mind. Why don't you tell me about it?" If she says she isn't sure, start asking her questions that will help her to visualize and evaluate her feelings. For example you can ask, "Okay, what are you feeling? Try to describe it. Or, "What comes to mind when you are feeling this way?" "Does a particular person come to mind?" "Is there anything giving you cause for concern?"

Ensure that questions are open-ended. They should allow your teenager to think about issues that: 1. May not be at a conscious level or 2. Is something that she is not willing to face just yet.

"Peeling back onion layers" will help you to get to bottom of what is troubling your teenager. With your help, she will be able to talk about her thought process, visualize it, and then tie these pieces of information together so things become clear. This approach will help you focus on helping your teens to evaluate their feeling and become better problem solvers.

You can then begin discussing a better solution to her "real" problem.

Copyright 2004 by V. Michael Santoro and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.

This article is an excerpt from book "Realizing Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and how you can too! By V. Michael Santoro, M. Ed and Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site at http://www.dads-daughters.com