So emotionally intelligent thing is to introduce what we’ll call “new material” slowly. Of course everyone puts their best foot forward in early stages of a relationship, and that’s appropriate. But as you increase intimacy and start getting to know one another more deeply, you will be talking about battle scars, things that make you who you are. We all have them!

Remember that yours may sound much “bigger” to other person than they actually are. Don’t rush into this part of relationship, telling of all those times you missed mark, or had things happen to you that altered course of your life. Begin by showing your wonderful, positive strengths and qualities that have allowed you to be resilient through rough seas of life.

Think about someone showing you a house for sale. They wouldn’t start with repaired foundation and 15 year old HVAC system. They would begin with spectacular view, stunning master suite with oversized Jacuzzi, top-of-the-line appliances in kitchen, and exceptional landscaping on acre lot.

There will be plenty of time to get to foundation (along with warranty papers) and HVAC system’s age (which can easily be replaced, and you’ve reduced price of house to accommodate). But why start with those things? It just isn’t emotionally intelligent.

If you’d like to get to know yourself better, and increase your EQ skills, first thing to do is take an EQ assessment, which you can do here: http:/ inyurl.com/z94t . Then work with an emotional intelligence coach. To find potentially compatible partners, try here: http:/ inyurl.com/2lyea .

EQ is all about identifying your emotions, understanding them, managing them, and regulating them, and what greater gift could you give this potential life partner you are looking for?

And in meantime, improving your EQ will benefit you in all areas of your life, and clear air for new experiences in your life.

We see ourselves a certain way, and we also think a certain way. When we’re working with others, managing, parenting or coaching others, it’s important to understand how other person sees himself of herself.

I use an assessment with clients called The StrengthsFinder® Profile ( http:/ inyurl.com/z750 ). Clients have thus far agreed that it’s right-on. It will show you what they call your “innate strengths,” and they relate to how you see world, and therefore, how best you deal with it. You. Uniquely.

For instance, one of Strengths is called “Connectedness.” Here authors describe to person with Connectedness what this means: “Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger.” (Now, Discover Your Strengths, Buckingham and Clifton)

Notice how, in describing this person to him or herself, they say “You are sure of I” and “You know.”

As you read this, if you do not have Connectedness for a strength, you will be saying to yourself, “I’M not sure of that!” If you DIDN’T say that, think again. That this person is sure we are all connected to something larger will dictate how they think, how they solve problems, how they relate to other people, and a host of other things and this is key to how they are different – different from you, and different from others. If you are working with this person, or relating to them and don’t ‘get’ this, you’ll be shadow-boxing.

The blond-hair, brown-hair … it has to do with perception of reality. It’s viewpoint. We each have our own. Children start out with a tenuous grasp of reality. When my Super Hero was little he would tell me defiantly, “Yes I AM going to ….” I would gently correct this to, “You WISH you COULD …” “I can do whatever I want because I’m bigger than you,” he would bellow, which I would translate to, “I know you wish you could do anything you want …”

We need a little of Super Hero in ourselves to get by. It feeds our dreams, gives us courage and energy, helps us achieve and reach our potential. What we need to do is be mindful about this, and also mindful about this in others, and how it may or may not be distorting picture. Our dreams and fantasies are directly related to our feelings, and our feelings guide our behavior.

Emotional Intelligence is all about self-awareness. Only when you are aware of yourself and your feelings can you understand those of others.

Remember that “Rumpelstiltskin” over there thinks he can spin straw into gold (and probably thinks you can too), so his expectations are going to be very high, and his disappointments very high as well, when he finds out he can’t (and that you can’t). Help him keep things in perspective because, alas, no one can spin straw into gold.

And help Atlas shrug. If you’ve got Connectedness, you’re just one to do that. You know that we’re all connected and here to help one another. Atlas doesn’t have to carry world all on his own shoulders.

Study Emotional Intelligence and develop yours. It will help you understand people better!