The heights of emotion do not last. In case of positive emotions, we are sorry. In case of negative emotions, we are delighted. Think back on some major disappointment in your life, and process back over your emotional reactions. Surely there was anger, grief, sadness, frustration, even depression when it first occurred. (Or shock, which is a shutting down of emotions for protective purposes.) A week later, how did you feel? A month later? Now?

You can retrace same with positive emotions. Put another way, “after honeymoon comes marriage.” But don’t let this thought dismay you. It isn’t “why bother because I’ll always go back to a low level.” Part of developing your emotional intelligence is being able to tolerate greater levels of emotion. And things overall can become much more positive. After all, for most of us it’s downward spiral after a failure or loss that’s most difficult to manage.

This receding of initial emotion will be course unless you’ve failed to develop resilience, an emotional intelligence competency. Resilience means being able to bounce back from failure, disappointment and loss without losing your enthusiasm and hope for future. The only permanent damage from any deep emotional event would be if you came out of it bitter, cynical, or hopeless and unable to move on.

Learn to manage your emotions so you can keep a more even keel, enjoying good, tolerating bad, and knowing each will pass. This allows you to more greatly appreciate good things, by way. Sooner or later we learn to grab moment when it’s good, yes? How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn’t appreciate it when I had it?” That would be a real loss in your life, yes?

This is not about losing enthusiasm for achievements and goals. This is about laying foundation that will allow you to maneuver better in all you do, have better outcomes and not sabotage yourself.

You see, we obstacles we throw in our own way are ones we need to eliminate. The fear of success and fear of failure are both about emotions. After all, result of success is a high state of emotion, and result of failure is a high state of emotion. Get beyond that. Go for your successes! Learn to manage your failures! Learn emotional intelligence.

It’s similar to “free associating,” because speaker can count on not being corrected, judged, interrupted, or even really commented upon. This is amazingly freeing, healing, and amazingly hard to come by. It allows speaker to get to heart of matter, and his or her feelings, and learn all sorts of things.

MANAGE TIME

Time is a crucial element to loving communication. We are under so much time pressure these days, our serious conversations can be squeezed in between changing diapers, taking out garbage, and getting dinner dishes done. We often feel rushed to hurry up and say what we have to say, and we listen same way, unconsciously sending out vibes that we hope our partner will just hurry up and get it said because we have to catch our favorite television show, or get to sleep because we have a big meeting in morning.

The other person can sense when we’re listening this way, and it defeats purpose of Talk Story.

A good way to do this is lying side-by-side, on bed, a hammock, a blanket under stars, a sailboat! It is “just” talking and one of most healing things a person can do. The other person just listens, without making comments or judgments.

LEARN TO LOVE THE SILENCES

Between two people who are intimate, silence can be a very special place. They are often prelude to very important sharing.

For one thing, it is rarely tolerated in casual conversation, so it is special just in itself. Being able to sit with silence of your partner will allow them to look more deeply within, and bring up what it is they need to talk about. Don’t rush them by feeling need to “fill air time.” Allowing empty space is a great gift you can give one another. Give them permission to take their time, and to fill silence when and if they’re ready.

Good communication between two partners involves talking and listening. A lot more has been written on art of talking. Remember that listening, and silences, are equally important.