How to Get Along Better with Your Husband

Written by Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach


Continued from page 1

8.Have a discussion with your husband during a quiet time about anger.

Anger is especially detrimental to menís health. Contrary to popular opinion, it is NOT healthy to vent your anger, nor is it healthy to suppress it. Both of you need to work constantly on valuing being in relationship more than being right. When couples argue allrepparttar time and create a toxic environment, no one wins, and no oneís ďrightĒ.

9. Donít notice so much, listen FORrepparttar 126147 love with your OWN love, and be adamantly and relentlessly forgiving.

Underrepparttar 126148 pressures of todayís lifestyle, we all say things we donít mean. We get sloppy or weíre in a rush and blurt something out. We forget things. We get irritable.

Catch him doing something right and praiserepparttar 126149 act. Donít spend so much time onrepparttar 126150 negatives or youíll cause them to grow. Negotiate your ďmust havesĒ and ďcanít stands,Ē and beyond that, be willing to overlook a lot.

If he brings you coffee in bed inrepparttar 126151 morning, you can pick up his underwear offrepparttar 126152 floor occasionally.

10.Express yourself very clearly and very often.

Donít whine, beg, hint, guess, hope forrepparttar 126153 best, or be tentative. This wonít work. Say specifically what you want, or what you donít like, and nip it inrepparttar 126154 bud. The longer you wait,repparttar 126155 more of an issue it becomes. This applies particularly to your sexual relationship. Donít leave him guessing.

One bone of contention among many couples is that if you do it once, it becomes your job forrepparttar 126156 rest of your life. So, if youíre adoring him so much one Sunday afternoon you decide to wait on him while he watchesrepparttar 126157 ball game Ė becauserepparttar 126158 kids are at Grannies, youíre caught up on your work and rested, you have some spare time, and youíre feeling like a temporary period of doting, explain what youíre doing.

Say, ďIím enjoying waiting on you this afternoon. Of course I canít do it allrepparttar 126159 timeÖĒ

Make your expectations clear, ďIím enjoying waiting on you this afternoon. Please do this for me some time when you feel like it.Ē

If he does assume this has now becomerepparttar 126160 new routine Ė and itís only human nature to press forrepparttar 126161 advantage when you have it Ė deal with itrepparttar 126162 minute it comes up. Make it clear what your stand is.

Summary

Poor communication and low Emotional Intelligence lead to fighting. Fighting can slowly erode your relationship because itís all too easy to let something slip you wish you hadnít said, and canít take back. Or you fail to say something, and thenrepparttar 126163 resentment builds.

Fighting is bad for your health, individually, as a couple, and as a family. Studies have shown that couples tend to get sick after a big fight, because fighting with a loved one lowers your immunity.

Did you need another reason to get along withrepparttar 126164 man you loved enough to marry?

Susan Dunn, MA Psychology, Emotional Intelligence Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . I coach around emotional intelligence for success, relationships, transitions, career, resilience, leadership, energy. Internet courses, ebooks. Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for free ezine.


More Important Than Love

Written by Margaret Paul, Ph.D.


Continued from page 1

While Angie was not causing Richard to resist and Richard was not causing Angie to get angry and judgmental, they were each reacting torepparttar otherís learned protections with their own learned protections. Either one could shiftrepparttar 126146 system by learning to take care of themselves when their fears of rejection and engulfment surfaced.

For example, Angie can practice tuning into her feelings of rejection and reassuring herself that Richardís behavior is coming from his fear of engulfment and is not a personal rejection of her. She can practice moving into compassion for herself and Richard, rather than going immediately into judgment.

Richard can practice speaking his truth and standing up for himself when Angie is angry and blaming, rather than going into automatic resistance. He can let Angie know that he is not available to being treated this way, and atrepparttar 126147 same time stay open to caring about her feelings and understanding that his resistant behavior is painful to her.

Whilerepparttar 126148 power struggle is showing up inrepparttar 126149 sexual arena, it is actually taking place inrepparttar 126150 whole relationship. Oftenrepparttar 126151 sexual relationship is a barometer of what is happening inrepparttar 126152 rest ofrepparttar 126153 relationship. With Angie and Richard,repparttar 126154 control and resistant behavior is most apparent in their sexual relationship. Sexuality is a vulnerable area, and it is easy to feel rejected inrepparttar 126155 sexual arena. Because of this vulnerability, it is in this area that Angie is most controlling. It is in this arena where she feels most rejected when Richard is not fully present or prematurely ejaculates. Richard, onrepparttar 126156 other hand, is most frightened of being controlled inrepparttar 126157 sexual arena. Being told what to do and how he should perform sets off all his fears of engulfment. The anxiety he feels over performance as well asrepparttar 126158 anger over Angieís attempts to control him combine to make him too tense to be fully present. Without being present with his love for Angie, his body resists lovemaking.

Instead of working on sex, Angie and Richard are each working on their individual participation inrepparttar 126159 control-resist system. Each are practicing staying open to honesty and caring and personal responsibility for their own feelings rather than just controlling and resisting control. As a result, their sex life is slowly improving.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?", "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By My Kids?", "Healing Your Aloneness","Inner Bonding", and "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?" Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com


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